Many of you have probably already seen this in forwarded email form, but it’s actually one of the funnier things I’ve been forwarded. Everything you always wanted to know about Chuck Norris but were afraid to ask. Enjoy.
22 Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
Update (12.13.05): Click here to read new original Chuck Norris facts.
UPDATE (Feb. 8, ’06): Click here to see Tony Danza read Chuck Norris facts directly to Chuck Norris.
December 8, 2005 at 11:53 pm
hillarious!
December 9, 2005 at 10:37 am
God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6.
December 9, 2005 at 4:20 pm
You can get Norris tears. You have to milk his eyes, though, like you would a cobra’s fangs. Of course, Chuck Norris is much more dangerous than any cobra.
December 9, 2005 at 4:43 pm
Chuck Norris can drink so much that his urine is regularly used as a type of rocket fuel.
December 9, 2005 at 7:53 pm
Every year on his birthday, Chuck norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun
December 10, 2005 at 3:09 pm
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas
or
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Crazy chuck norris
December 10, 2005 at 4:06 pm
I loved that movie where he goes to vietnam, and kicks everyone’s ass.
December 11, 2005 at 1:36 am
Many people think that the moons gravitational pull is what controls the tides. What the authorities do not want you to know is that it is really the power of the bohemith we know as CHUCK NORRIS!!!
December 11, 2005 at 2:52 am
At a carnival one year, Chuck Norris rode the ferris wheel. Upon exiting his seat a carnie touched his beard. That carnie is now the manager of a local convenient store. CHUCK NORRIS helping carnies since 1967.
December 11, 2005 at 2:44 pm
Chuck Norris decided it was a good idea to bottle his urine. We’ve come to know it as Red Bull!
December 11, 2005 at 4:47 pm
Chuck Norris is made of 94% perspiration, 4% electricity and 2% butterscotch ripple.
December 12, 2005 at 8:49 am
[...] You thought Vin Diesel was tough? Check out some facts about Chuck Norris. [...]
December 12, 2005 at 4:12 pm
Chuck Norris does not go hunting because ‘hunting’ implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
December 12, 2005 at 5:34 pm
LOL, I actually found the website that generates random Chuck Norris facts (and you can submit your own). I blogged about it here.
Here’s a little sample:
A Chevy truck was totalled in a car accident. It hit black ice, then hit Chuck Norris. You tell me what did the damage.
December 13, 2005 at 10:03 am
Guns don’t kill people, Chick Norris kills people
December 13, 2005 at 2:36 pm
Once, Chuck Noris built a time machine, went back before the universe existed. God appeared startling Chuck, with a sudden bang he round housed kicked god. And within that bang of a kick the universe was made.
December 13, 2005 at 4:58 pm
[...] Chuck Norris – the facts. [...]
December 14, 2005 at 2:13 pm
Everytime Chuck Norris hears the term ‘Virgin’ Mary he laughs out loud…enough said
It used to be called the Tower of Pisa…until Chuck Norris decided to roundhouse kick the shit out of it
December 14, 2005 at 2:18 pm
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly
December 14, 2005 at 2:31 pm
Chuck Norris can take a number 2 standing up.
December 14, 2005 at 8:44 pm
If Chuck Norris is late. Time better slow the fuck down.
December 15, 2005 at 4:24 am
[...] [more] [...]
December 15, 2005 at 7:20 am
LMAO!!
December 15, 2005 at 9:42 am
The greatest cover up of this century is that Hitler didn’t actually commit suicide in his bunker. He was in fact teabagged to death by chuck Norris
December 15, 2005 at 9:43 am
Chuch Norris once punched a woman in the vagina because she didn’t give him exact change
December 15, 2005 at 9:44 am
Chuck Norris once shot down a German plane by pointing his finger and yelling “bang”
December 15, 2005 at 9:44 am
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by pointing at her and saying “boo-ya”
December 15, 2005 at 2:24 pm
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee.This has nothing to do with his ancestory. The man ate a fucking indian!!
December 15, 2005 at 5:06 pm
[...] Why stop with the Diesel, when you can also have Chuck Norris. 1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. [...]
December 15, 2005 at 6:32 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a razor to shave in the morning, he roundhouse kicks himself in the face… because the only thing hard enough to cut Chuck Norris, is Chuck Norris.
December 15, 2005 at 11:34 pm
wuts with the chuck norris obsession lately? i mean it’s funny but i don’t get it?
December 16, 2005 at 10:07 am
What’s not to get? If it’s funny, you got it
December 16, 2005 at 1:34 pm
The sun dont shine on Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris shine on the sun.
.. and btw Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn!
Seeeees
December 16, 2005 at 3:10 pm
Chuck Norris kills 14 white people at the end of every week just to prove he isn’t racist.
Chuck Norris likes to “knit sweaters” in his spare time, and by “knit” I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters” I mean “babies”.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes so he can “accidentally” roundhouse kick kids in the neck.
December 16, 2005 at 3:29 pm
Original – love it.
Will defintely be passing it on.
Take care
December 16, 2005 at 8:14 pm
Every time Chuck Norris kills a man, an angel gets its wings.
December 16, 2005 at 8:34 pm
There are no disabled people, only people who have been briefly thought about by Chuck Norris.
A little known fact, The second pope actually went through the bible before it was mass produced and replaced the name Chuck Norris with God.
December 17, 2005 at 3:24 am
Mcguyver once tried to give Chuck Norris advice on diffusing a bomb. Chuck Norris then disemboweled Mcguyver using a plastic spoon, a wooden nickel, and the left arm of a midget… yes, a live midget.
December 17, 2005 at 10:40 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t pray to god, god prays to Chuck
December 17, 2005 at 11:50 am
Pictures of the Berlin Wall falling do not show Chuck Norris on the opposite side, roundhouse kicking the shit out of it.
December 17, 2005 at 11:54 am
Ever wondered why Hawaii is so far out in the Pacific? It used to be a small pineapple-producing island 20 miles off the coast of San Diego. During one visit, Chuck Norris ate a bad pineapple…
The rest, my friends, is history.
December 17, 2005 at 12:00 pm
Hockey players, football players, soldiers, and yes women, never had to wear pads before chuck norris was born.
December 17, 2005 at 12:59 pm
God didnt create the psp, chuck norris did.
December 17, 2005 at 12:59 pm
chuck norris is secretly a sith lord.
December 17, 2005 at 3:37 pm
A cashier once asked Chuck Norris, “Paper or plastic.” Chuck Norris replied, “If you say so,” and roundhouse kicked her in the face.
December 17, 2005 at 3:51 pm
Once, between scenes on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, an actor asked Chuck, “Why do you always deliver roundhouse kicks to the bad guys? Why don’t you mix it up?” Norris bit his lip and replied, “Good idea.” Bad idea. After shooting, Chuck asked the man to meet him in the alley behind the studio. Here, Chuck roundhouse kicked the man 37 times in the face, all the while saying, “What now, bitch?”
December 17, 2005 at 4:27 pm
Chuck Norris was turning blue when he was born. The doctors turned him upside down and slapped his butt.
Chuck Norris, the first infant to successfully perform a roundhouse kick.
December 17, 2005 at 4:33 pm
Scruff McGruff once urged Chuck Norris to “take a bit outta crime”
Chuck Norris promptly decapitated the mutt with his Righteous Beard of Fury.
December 17, 2005 at 5:58 pm
[...] Chuck Norris Facts: 1 2 [...]
December 17, 2005 at 7:35 pm
Vin diesel can jump this far
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With his arms and legs tied behind his back.
December 17, 2005 at 8:30 pm
Once Gandhi tried to convince Chuck Norris that violence isn’t always the answer. Chuck Norris smiled, then tore out Gandhi’s stomach. Gandhi then fasted for many days.
December 17, 2005 at 8:40 pm
A meteor did not destroy dinosaurs, the roundhouse of chuck norris did
December 17, 2005 at 9:23 pm
Before e-mail was invented, chuck norris would attatch messages to kittens and roundhouse them.
December 17, 2005 at 10:40 pm
chuck norris once put a live deer in a head lock and said “say my name” the deer muttered Chuck NORRIS!! actually it wasn’t recognizable but it was pretty good for a deer.
December 18, 2005 at 10:23 am
chuck norris lost his viginity before his dad did
December 18, 2005 at 1:38 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shower. Dirt is too scared to touch him.
150,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris related accidents every year.
Chuck Norris isn’t cool, cool models itself after Chuck Norris.
When someone sneezes, God says Chuck Bless you.
Chuck Norris knows the secret to world peace, He just thinks its more fun to kill people
Someone once told Chuck Norris his hair looked good. He roundhouse kicked him in the face and told him that he made the hair look good.
December 18, 2005 at 5:43 pm
People often wonder about the origin of Chuck Norris’s cowboy boots… There is no origin, they have always been, and have coexisted with Chuck since the beginning.
Actual first verse of Bible: “In the beginning, there was the Chuck and the Cowboy boots. And the LORD tried to seperate them, but got a roundhouse-kick to the face.”
December 18, 2005 at 9:42 pm
chuck norris doesn’t need air, air needs chuck norris.
December 19, 2005 at 3:48 am
Even if you have the oldest black and white 32cm television, all movies and series starring Chuck Norris will come out in High Definition widescreen with Dolby Digital 6.1 channel surround.
December 19, 2005 at 3:51 am
The ‘Great Australian Bite’ was formed when Chuck Norris, while on a fishing trip, delivered a roundhouse kick to a great white shark off the South Australian coast while on a fishing trip.
December 19, 2005 at 3:55 am
While on a nature trek in Wasington State, Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on a rock and proceeded to deliver the tiny rock a roundhouse. This event is also known as the Mt. St Helens eruption of May 1980.
December 19, 2005 at 3:59 am
Funniest Web Site I have ever seen by far.
May the Hoff rest in peace.
December 19, 2005 at 10:42 am
Looks like the hoff has passed on the baton to the Norris who in turn is going to pass it onto Vin Diesel
December 19, 2005 at 10:59 am
Christie Brinkley does not age. Chucj Norris won’t allow her to.
Boz
December 19, 2005 at 12:21 pm
Chuck Norris’ urine can dissolve a cast iron shotput in fifteen and a half minutes.
Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his body while skydiving in Equador.
Chuck Norris solo-ed Everest in shorts and a tank-top.
December 19, 2005 at 1:39 pm
Rocks learn from Chuck Norris on how to be rocks.
December 19, 2005 at 2:22 pm
[...] Even though this guy is a total douchebag, he sure is a lot of things. [...]
December 19, 2005 at 3:44 pm
If Chuck Norris reads this forum, Angry Hippo may be destined to eat every meal from now on through a straw.
December 19, 2005 at 4:28 pm
Mikey, i love you.
December 19, 2005 at 5:42 pm
Chuck Norris invented the ladder rack.
While filming “Top dog II” in Cuba, Chuck sneezed, we know it as Hurricane Katrina.
December 19, 2005 at 10:26 pm
[...] Chuck Norris – the facts This is some funny shit! If you want a good laugh you will check out this site….Even the comments are hilarious. I like the one that says, “Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas” (Alan comment #7) (tags: Chuck+Norris) [...]
December 20, 2005 at 5:28 am
[...] Detta visste ni inte om Chuck Norris! Because the World Is Round [...]
December 20, 2005 at 5:51 am
The only child ever to survive a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris was Gary Coleman. He has not grown since.
December 20, 2005 at 7:15 am
When Chuck Norris was born, he had already had sex, three times
December 20, 2005 at 7:16 am
i suppose you guys have heard this one: Steven Hawkings was the only man to outsmart Chuck Norris, he got what he deserved…
December 20, 2005 at 7:30 am
Chuck Norris… what a joker!
December 20, 2005 at 7:35 am
Chuck Norris once foucht the Internet. The result is lag.
Bush started the Iraq war, but only because Chuck told him to.
Chuck Norris doesn’t invest in Google… Google invests in Chuck Norris.
December 20, 2005 at 11:02 am
Chuck norris owns the internet, he didn’t buy it, nor did he invent it, it was a peace offering.
chuck norris doesn’t use a phone. He just screems out the window till he gets who/what he wants.
Chuck Norris is the Presiden of the USA, bush is just his pet chimp.
December 20, 2005 at 2:45 pm
Chuck Norris is the man, officially.
December 20, 2005 at 3:14 pm
Two things can survive a nuclear holocaust. Cockraoches and Chuck Norris
December 20, 2005 at 7:57 pm
chuck norris invented piles as a way to keep people from sitting on his chair
December 20, 2005 at 8:01 pm
chuck norris plays darts using sharpend babys
December 20, 2005 at 10:06 pm
CHUCK NORRIS ONCE ROUND HOUSE KICKED A MAN IN THE FACE FOR PRAISING SOME ONE OTHER THAN HIMSELF
December 20, 2005 at 10:30 pm
Michael Jordan owns a Chuck Norris jersey.
December 21, 2005 at 1:39 am
Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits…
December 21, 2005 at 9:26 am
A deal was once made between Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee during the filming of Enter the Dragon where Bruce would defeat Chuck in a fight. No one knows the conditions of that deal but Mr. Lee died “mysteriously” soon after leaving behind only one witness who claims there was a flash of light and a single roundhouse kick. that witness is now dead. by reading this, you have become a threat to Chuck Norris. if you cant see him right now, you may already be dead.
December 21, 2005 at 11:09 am
If you have a dollar and Chuck Norris has a dollar… Chuck Norris would round house kick you and take your dollar.
December 21, 2005 at 3:05 pm
“May the Chuck Norris be with you”
“For instant ass kicking…Just add Chuck Norris”
“Everyone is entitled to their own Chuck Norris ass kicking”
“Chuck Norris never asks questions ..he just breaks necks”
WWCND- “What Would Chuck Norris Do”
“If at first you don’t succeed …call Chuck Norris you fuckn pussy”
December 21, 2005 at 5:01 pm
the true story of how the ninja turtles came into existence is that chuck norris ate a live turtle….. when he shit, the turtle was now 6 ft tall and a master in martial arts!!!!!!
December 21, 2005 at 5:14 pm
I once roundhouse kicked a woman in the vagina, because she didn’t give me correct change.
I punched my way out of my mothers womb, shortly thereafter I grew a beard.
I can make a woman climax by saying “booya”
I dont sleep. I wait.
One time I roundhouse kicked someone so hard, my foot broke the sound barrier, sending me back in time, again, where I killed Amelia Earhart as she was flying across the atlantic.
I still haven’t gotten one jeopardy question wrong, Jesus has missed two.
Helen Keller told me her favorite color was Chuck Norris…I proceeded to roundhouse kick her in the face…actually that never happened at all.
Im a ghost now, I died because a man once asked me if my real name was “Charles” I did not reply, I just stared at him until I exploded.
December 21, 2005 at 5:22 pm
I lost my virginity before my dad did.
I took my own virginity, and I’ll sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity,” then you are dead wrong…DEAD WRONG
I was the 4th wiseman, I brought Jesus the gift of beard, he wore it ’till his death. The other wisemen jealous, decided to omit me from the bible, they all died of Roundhouse kick related deaths.
I don’t have AIDS, but I give it to people anyway.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the Atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Instead of sending me. His reasoning, the bomb was more “humane”
December 21, 2005 at 5:29 pm
According to Newton’s laws of physics, I can Roundhouse kick you in the face yesterday.
Today I pulled a bus full of children teetering on the edge of a cliff to safety. As they were all cheering, I became very angry, I yelled “I’M NOT YOUR SAVIOR!” and roundhouse kicked the bus off the cliff.
My wife once asked “how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood”
I ripped out her throat and screamed “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN MY PRESENCE…DON’T FUCK WITH CHUCK!” realizing the irony of this two years and five minutes later I laughed so hard and loud everyone within two miles went deaf.
December 21, 2005 at 5:58 pm
The story of how the first rino was born started with Chuck Norris having sex with a pack of wild hippos. Soon after he began to roundhouse kick them all in the face.
December 21, 2005 at 6:11 pm
chuck norris never lost his virginity as he has no need as he has taken everyone elses
December 21, 2005 at 6:17 pm
chuck norris can make rocks bleed
December 21, 2005 at 6:22 pm
chuck norris once aided a horse in giving birth whilst playing the harp, curing cancer and round kicking a nun in the breasts
December 21, 2005 at 6:32 pm
Jean Claude Van Damme Once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight. Chuck Norris sent one of his eyelashes to roundhouse kick Jean into Orbit.
December 21, 2005 at 9:17 pm
how many chuck noriss’ does it take to screw in a light bulb? NONE!.. chuck norris has night vision
December 21, 2005 at 10:05 pm
I once built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. I met all three bullets with my beard and deflected them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement
I once shot a German plane by pointing at it and yelling “BANG!”
December 21, 2005 at 10:11 pm
Once my wife burned the turkey on thanksgiving, I told her not to worry, I went in the backyard, and came back five minutes later with a turkey. I then ate it whole, and then threw it up a few seconds later fully cooked with cranberry sauce. When my wife asked me how I had done it I gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said “Never question chuck norris”
December 21, 2005 at 10:14 pm
To prove to you guys that it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. I smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 variations of cancer, only to rid them of my body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that Lance Armstrong.
December 21, 2005 at 10:15 pm
God did not create man in his image but in the image of Chuck Norris
December 21, 2005 at 10:18 pm
If you can see me, remember, I can see you…BUT IF YOU CAN’T, YOU MAY BE ONLY SECONDS AWAY FROM DEATH!
December 21, 2005 at 10:23 pm
Before each filming of “Walker: Texas Ranger” I’m injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit my strength and mobility, in order to lower the fatality rate of the actors I fight.
December 21, 2005 at 10:26 pm
I sold my soul to the devil for my rugged good looks and unparralleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction I roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took my soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should’ve saw that coming. We now play poker every wednesday night.
December 22, 2005 at 12:12 am
Chuck Norris smoked a hydrogen bomb then used Japan as an ashtray. Thus,Hiroshima.
December 22, 2005 at 12:16 am
Qui Qui, zee french did not surrender to America in WW2, we surrendered to Chuck Norris in fear that he would round house kick us in the face then eat our livers.
December 22, 2005 at 1:13 am
Emirel doesent scream “BAM”! Instead, he screams “Chuck Norris”!
December 22, 2005 at 3:42 am
Chuck Norris once round house kicked his son for misbehaving. He hit him so hard it killed him. He brought him back to life with his powers and round house kicked him again for dying.
December 22, 2005 at 1:28 pm
OH MAN!
Did you know why America lost at Pearl Harbor?
.
.
.
Because Chuck Norris wasn’t there.
December 22, 2005 at 1:39 pm
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
December 22, 2005 at 3:08 pm
chuck norris once helped an old lady across the street. When a car did not stop, he roundhoused kicked it thus creating the first mini. When the old lady thanked him he roundhoused kicked her for good measure.
December 22, 2005 at 3:09 pm
One time, Chuck Norris saw an ant walking off of his California ranch with a bread crumb. He proceeded to deliver a vicious roundhouse kick to the ant’s head. The ant disintegrated. The land surrounding the ant is now referred to as the San Andreas Fault.
December 22, 2005 at 3:12 pm
chuck Norris’ farts are irresistable to women. This is now canned and know as Axe Body Spray
December 22, 2005 at 6:01 pm
Chuck Norris killed my mom when he farted!
December 22, 2005 at 6:02 pm
when chuck norris dies… chuck norris never dies
December 22, 2005 at 6:03 pm
the last person to survive a roundhouse kick by chuck norris was michael jackson. then he turned white
December 22, 2005 at 6:18 pm
Even Samuel L Jackson thinks Chuck Norris is one bad motherfucker.
December 22, 2005 at 6:25 pm
Chuck Norris proceded to walk toward my car, and upon arrival he ripped out my cd player, ate it, then shit out an MP3 player.
December 22, 2005 at 6:27 pm
After getting severely pissed off from hearing a Nickelback song on the radio, Chuck Norris had sex with Barbara Walters, thus creating the Tazmanian Devil.
December 22, 2005 at 10:39 pm
Chuck Norris shits boulders, rocks, pebbles and, once a year, diamonds.
December 23, 2005 at 1:22 am
Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris
December 23, 2005 at 2:08 am
chuck norris ate bigfoot…
December 23, 2005 at 2:10 am
chuck norris shits roses…
December 23, 2005 at 2:12 am
Contrary to common belief, there indeed was a man on the moon, until Chuck Norris got jealous and roundhouse kicked him in the heart…
December 23, 2005 at 6:46 pm
Chuck Norris’ sperm is so potent that he has to wear lead underwear to avoid impregnating every women is his vicinity.
December 23, 2005 at 7:12 pm
even chuck norris’ piss clogs toilets
December 23, 2005 at 8:09 pm
It took five women three years to give birth to Chuck Norris.
December 23, 2005 at 9:00 pm
When Chuck Norris was in elementary school, he had to write an assay on ‘courage’. He wrote two words; “Chuck Norris”.
December 23, 2005 at 9:02 pm
When Chuck Norris has sex, he uses a rattlesnake as a condom.
December 23, 2005 at 10:21 pm
Chuck Norris once held the world with one hand for a few seconds, and strangled Atlas with his other hand.
December 23, 2005 at 10:28 pm
Yogi bear once tried to steal from Chuck Norris’s picknick… Well, you no what happened next.
December 23, 2005 at 10:33 pm
A reindeer didn’t run over grandma it was Chuck Norris.
December 24, 2005 at 12:46 am
Chuck Norris ate Jesus and then shit out the bible
December 24, 2005 at 1:16 am
Chuck norris originally had a twin brother. Unfortunately chuck norris is incapable of loving anyone but chuck norris, so he swiftly roundhouse kicked his brother to death while in the womb. He even managed to plant evidence that his mother had caused the premature death.
December 24, 2005 at 8:27 am
Chuck norris makes women so horny they grow a penis…
December 24, 2005 at 8:39 am
Chuck norris once pissed on a baby and then they called the baby the golden child…..
December 24, 2005 at 11:26 am
Chuck Norris has in some way played a part in all of the natural disasters this earth has ever seen. For this reason, Chuck Norris is also known as “Mother Nature”. On a related note, Chuck Norris has found a way to simultaneously breathe and exhale, thus creating the tornado. Four out of five people agree this is true. That fifth person was killed by Chuck Norris.
December 24, 2005 at 1:07 pm
Chuck Norris is black from the waist down.
December 24, 2005 at 1:36 pm
When Chuck Norris gets cold, his nipples really do cut glass. No…..really.
December 24, 2005 at 3:01 pm
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football histor
December 24, 2005 at 3:01 pm
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
December 24, 2005 at 11:25 pm
Chuck Norris stood before a judge and asked him, “If my balls were on your chin, where do you think my penis would be?” The judge looked at him questioningly, and Chuck Norris followed with, “No further questions.”
December 24, 2005 at 11:28 pm
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
December 25, 2005 at 12:15 pm
JCVD is actually a failed attempt to clone Chuck Norris. Unfortunately, it is impossible to clone pure destruction.
December 25, 2005 at 12:21 pm
In a street fight, Chuck Norris got scratched in the back by his oponent. Chuck got so pissed that he responded by jumping and disapearing into the air. Seven hours later at 3a.m. Chuck landed on the fool breaking him, and the house for that matter, in two.
December 25, 2005 at 1:36 pm
chuck norris once crushed a watermelon with his toe soon after this there became green grapes. This chuck norris stuff is halerious i hope this gets on i took a w while to think it up
December 25, 2005 at 1:38 pm
Chuck norris once urinated in a small stream in california this was soon called the greak gold rush
December 25, 2005 at 1:41 pm
Shaq became a cop so he could have a badge just like chuck norris chuck norris than roundhouse kicked to the ankle and shack missed the first month of the season
December 25, 2005 at 1:42 pm
i should really spell check these but chuck norris tore out my eyes
December 25, 2005 at 1:44 pm
Chuck norris once beat michael jordan in a basketball game soon after micheal tried playing baseball out of shame.
December 25, 2005 at 1:44 pm
im going to try to think of some more this is rediculaus
December 25, 2005 at 5:33 pm
Chuck Norris was the one really crucified byt the Romans, and reincarnated on Easter.
December 25, 2005 at 8:58 pm
Chuck Norris’ belt buckle is rumored t be the source of his power. In fact, Chuck Norris was born with belt buckle and cowboy boats already on his ripped body.
December 25, 2005 at 9:07 pm
Chuck Norris has been struck by lightening 46 times. To celebrate his might, Chuck Norris beat God himself in an arm wrestling contest prior to beating him at thumb wrestling.
December 25, 2005 at 9:38 pm
No one has ever made eye contact with Chuck Norris. Attempting to do so is asking for a roundhouse kick.
December 25, 2005 at 9:41 pm
Chuck Norris helps out NASA by throwing astronauts into space.
December 25, 2005 at 9:45 pm
Chuck Norris was once drafted by the Arizona Cardinals. Chuck Norris had to be cut when it was clear to the coaches that Chuck Norris kept killing players during practice.
December 25, 2005 at 9:48 pm
Chuck Norris had his Achilles Tendons surgically removed since they imply a source of weakness.
December 25, 2005 at 9:55 pm
Some dumbass gave Chuck Norris a sweater for Christmas. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked this person to death and then regifted the sweater.
December 25, 2005 at 9:59 pm
Chuck Norris can rhyme a word with ‘orange’. The word means ’roundhouse kick’ in badass.
December 25, 2005 at 10:02 pm
Chuck Norris’ sperm are capable of flight. The frequently perform recon flights for the US military.
December 25, 2005 at 10:07 pm
Chuck Norris does not value money. He instead pays for goods and services with the teeth of his enemies.
December 25, 2005 at 10:12 pm
Chuck Norris is not himself until he consumes a case of man juice. Man juice is what Chuck Norris calls beer and/or kitten blood.
December 25, 2005 at 10:34 pm
Chuck Norris created global warming. There is no reason as to why.
December 25, 2005 at 10:42 pm
Chuck Norris was once asked why Walker Texas Ranger was cancelled. He immediately took off his shirt and started doing situps. There is no further information at this time.
December 25, 2005 at 10:45 pm
If Chuck Norris asks you to break a 20 and you don’t have change. You damn well better robb a bank or something – you have a roundhouse kick headed up your ass.
December 25, 2005 at 11:10 pm
Chuck Noriss only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris
December 26, 2005 at 10:40 am
Chuck Norris never losses at a hide-n-seak.
December 26, 2005 at 10:44 am
Chuck Norris once killed 182 people with only six bullets.
December 26, 2005 at 11:04 am
God himself has a Chuck Norris poster in his living room.
December 26, 2005 at 11:08 am
Chuck Norris can ‘pee write’ the entire declaration of independence in the snow.
December 26, 2005 at 1:00 pm
When Chuck Norris used to go trick or treating with his son, he did not wear a costume, but would ring the door bell and wait while crouching in a position ready to attack. One time, an old woman opened the door and asked politely, “what are you supposed to be?” Naturally, Chuck was offended that the woman did not recognize his trademark face and proceeded to roundhouse kick her in the chest. After her body exploded with one kick, Chuck left the body, grabbed all of the candy, and fled. To this day, everyone in Chuck’s hometown leaves their Halloween candy outside in a bowl.
December 26, 2005 at 1:20 pm
Chuck Norris once stumbled upon a website with random facts about himself. Although he was flattered, he sent an email to each person who submitted an untrue fact. Upon opening the email, a leather cowboy boot came through each computer screen and roundhouse kicked everyone within a 30 meter radius.
December 26, 2005 at 1:28 pm
The reason the Americans lost their only war is because Chuck Norris was on vacation in Vietnam in the early 70s, and told the choppers to “pipe it down up there, I’m trying to sleep.�
December 26, 2005 at 1:29 pm
The Bible Belt is simply where illiterate Native Americans experienced the shock waves from a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, automatically learned to read, and immediately built churches and turned to the Holy Scriptures for spiritual comfort.
December 26, 2005 at 1:32 pm
Had Chuck Norris played Neo in “The Matrix” series rather than Keanu Reeves, they would’ve found Zion halfway into the first movie.
December 26, 2005 at 1:33 pm
WWCD….What Would Chuck Do? give you one big roundhouse kick to the face is what he’d do
December 26, 2005 at 1:33 pm
When in combat and under heavy fire, Chuck Norris wears a bullet proof vest. Not because he’s afraid the bullets will kill him, but because he’s a little ticklish.
December 26, 2005 at 1:34 pm
During the Second Punic War, Hannibal and the Phoenicians used two animals to cross the dangerous Alps: an elephant and Chuck Norris’s beard.
December 26, 2005 at 1:34 pm
Chuck Norris is the only man to have played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and win.
December 26, 2005 at 1:42 pm
The Antichrist’s mother is still waiting for the only man who’s man enough to father her child: Chuck Norris. Lucky for us, the world hasn’t ended because the Antichrist’s mother is a 400-pounder, and Chuck Norris likes ‘em with a little meat.
December 26, 2005 at 2:07 pm
Chuck Norris laughs in death’s face by skydiving without a parachute.
December 26, 2005 at 2:19 pm
A class that all Navy Seals must pass teaches them to shout a Chuck Norris one liner before killing a terrorist.
December 26, 2005 at 2:44 pm
hahahaha!!! hillarious, james bond!
December 26, 2005 at 8:28 pm
It wasn’t Moses that parted the red sea…..it was chuck norris’ spinning back kick
December 26, 2005 at 8:31 pm
The Titanic didn’t sink because it hit an iceberg…it sunk because it hit chuck norris while he was swimming laps
December 26, 2005 at 8:36 pm
Chuck Norris was once hired as a farm hand on a Dude Ranch in Texas. To try and pull a practical joke on Chuck the owner instruced Chuck to go out and milk the “cows” in the morning, well knowing that Ranch only had bulls. Chuck returned to the owner 5 minutes later with the Bull’s bloodied balls in his hand, force fed them down the owner’s throat, and delivered a roundhouse kick so devastating that the owner’s niece felt the blow. Chuck Norris then stated “Don’t ever attempt to make a joke out of Chuck Norris!”
December 26, 2005 at 10:54 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t play Scrabble.
December 26, 2005 at 11:21 pm
knock knock, whos there, chuck norris!
chuck norris has a black belt…..in keeping it real!
i like chuck norris,
chuck norris likes me
chuck norris likes shoes
chuck norris once made love to oprah…… then ate a wheel of cheese….blind folded
December 27, 2005 at 3:29 am
I got some as well: http://snoart.bloggning.se/inlagg/2005/12/15/chuck_norris
December 27, 2005 at 4:50 am
Having Chuck Norris log on to your computer is the ultimate anti-virus
December 27, 2005 at 5:14 am
chuck norris doesn’t have the reflexes of a cat…cats have the reflexes of chuck norris
December 27, 2005 at 5:40 am
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain
Chuck Norris was the 4th wiseman. He gave baby Jesus the gift of the beard. The other wiseman were so jealous they had Chuck excluded from the bible. Strangely, the other wiseman died of unknown roundhouse-kick related deaths
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man so hard that his fooot broke the speed of light and killed Emelia Earhardt over the pacific ocean
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK asassination deflecting all 3 bullets with his beard. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shave like you or I but instead delivers repeated roundhouse kicks to the face because only Chuck Norris can cut Chuck Norris.
December 27, 2005 at 9:56 am
Some people understand how to make a funny Chuck Norris fact. Some people don’t.
Chuck Norris can taunt Happy Fun Ball.
December 27, 2005 at 2:31 pm
zardok, u couldn’t be anymore truer . . holy hell chuck is friggen amazing, hes the reason i wake up in the morning, lol (just kidding)
what in god’s name is happy fun ball?
December 27, 2005 at 3:43 pm
Guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.
December 27, 2005 at 4:04 pm
[...] Lista 1, aquà en WordPress hay posts en donde agregan más “hechos” a la lista. Lista 2, en Narcissist (creo que es la original pero no estoy seguro). [...]
December 27, 2005 at 11:07 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t drink alcohol, he gets drunk off of Chuck Norris.
December 28, 2005 at 2:41 pm
What would win this battle of famous facial hair: Mike Ditka’s mustache or Chuck Norris’ beard?
December 28, 2005 at 3:08 pm
Chuck Norris’s urine was the main ingredient in Balco’s desgner steroids, therefore Chuck Norris is actually the alltime home run king
December 28, 2005 at 3:50 pm
Chuck Norris once single-handedly pulled 14 children out of a burning building. When people began cheering he grew angered, and proceeded with throwing 13 of those children back into the fire, thus distinguising it. He then roundhouse kicked the last child into a car, causing a massive explosion and destroying everything within a 13 mile radius. He then let out an ear shattering laugh and said, “FEAR ME, FOR I AM CHUCK NORRIS!”
December 28, 2005 at 3:55 pm
Chuck Norris could SO beat up your dad.
December 28, 2005 at 4:03 pm
Chuck norris is actually 857 years old but he gets a 35 days younger every time he roundhouse kicks someone in the face
December 28, 2005 at 4:12 pm
chuck norris once was stranded on an island in the middle of now where on this island he practice roundhouse kicking grizzly bear. he finally got sick of the island because he killed all of the grizzly bears which made chuck very angry so chuck used his anger and said ” I AM CHUCK NORRIS IF SOME ONE DOESNT HELP ME I WILL ROUND HOUSE KICK THEM IN THE FACE” surely enough every body in a 3990 mile radious flew over to chuck norris and saved him but in actual fact chuck norris roundhouse kicked every one in the plane and flew it back to the set of walker texas ranger because of his training he roundhouse kicks every bad guy on the set. it is no acting either he seriously round house kicked and killed every bad guy on the show
December 28, 2005 at 6:55 pm
Chuck Norris does not appreciate long Chuck Norris facts. Chad, I’m looking at you on this one.
December 28, 2005 at 8:08 pm
Santa Claus didn’t invent christmas, it was Chuck Norris way of showing he needed one day of rest a year.
December 29, 2005 at 12:13 am
Chuck Norris does not watch television. Television watches Chuck Norris.
Although anyone can threaten to beat up the ocean, Chuck Norris is the only being capable of ACTUALLY BEATING UP the ocean.
December 29, 2005 at 2:36 am
When Chuck Norris farts it smells like candy
December 29, 2005 at 5:14 am
[...] 2. Como por exemplo esta. [...]
December 29, 2005 at 10:23 am
Chuck Norris can lift Rosie o’ Donald…without any protective gear on. Top that Mr. T.
December 29, 2005 at 10:28 am
Some people have no taste in Chuck Norris facts…
December 29, 2005 at 1:25 pm
Chuck Norris for president!
December 29, 2005 at 4:44 pm
Chuck Norris once chugged a 23.5 pound bottle of hot sauce to cool down his hot sexy self!
December 29, 2005 at 9:35 pm
Chuck Norris steals pennies from Mall Fountains. Why? Cause he’s fucking Chuck Norris.
December 30, 2005 at 12:39 am
Who would win in a fight? Chuck Norris or Hurricane Norris?
December 30, 2005 at 2:30 pm
Chuck Norris secretly wears womens underwear.
December 30, 2005 at 5:36 pm
In the year 2050… Chuck Norris will still be the majority.
December 30, 2005 at 7:47 pm
December 30, 2005 at 8:13 pm
Chuck Norris once went to a casino and placed a wooden nickel on a blackjack table. The dealer raised his hand to stop him, but Chuck quickly pulled his arm down and won $4000 on a slot machine.
December 30, 2005 at 9:32 pm
Hellen Keller is blind,Chuck Norris gave her the power to see
December 30, 2005 at 9:36 pm
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Michael Jackson in the dome, that’s why he has half a nose
December 30, 2005 at 9:38 pm
Chuck Norris was once said to beat up God.
December 30, 2005 at 9:48 pm
Chuck Norris has enough back strenght to bang Rosie O Donnel
December 30, 2005 at 9:50 pm
Chuck Norris has enough back strength to bang Rosie O Donnel*
December 30, 2005 at 9:53 pm
Chuck Norris invented flying but was too selfish to give his great power to the humans, he gave animals the power.
December 30, 2005 at 9:57 pm
Chuck Norris’ penis is so big he has to have an extra house for it.
December 30, 2005 at 10:04 pm
Every year Chuck Norris holds an annual festivity, his own gun show
December 30, 2005 at 10:06 pm
Chuck Norris can lift up Fat Albert with one of his eyebrows
December 30, 2005 at 10:12 pm
Chuck Norris’ urine is used for curing diseases
December 30, 2005 at 10:19 pm
Chuck Norris once chucked a piece of wood at an unknown animal, they named it a Woodchuck
December 30, 2005 at 10:31 pm
[...] Another Chuck Norris fact. That’s right, fact. [...]
December 30, 2005 at 10:35 pm
Chuck Norris didn’t invent steroids; they are a purified form of the sweat off of his hat band.
December 30, 2005 at 11:13 pm
Chuck Norris’ head is too jacked up for hats
December 31, 2005 at 12:11 am
Chuck Norris once almost lost a starring contest once to Robert Gulleay out of the shear fact the Robert Gulleay was Passed out in a drunken stuper with his eyes open, The intencity was so great that the world spontainiasly combusted only to have Chuck Norris roundhouse kick it back into the 1990s. Welcome to the 90′s.
December 31, 2005 at 1:00 am
Chuck Norris was once hired as a farm hand on a Dude Ranch in Texas. To try and pull a practical joke on Chuck the owner instruced Chuck to go out and milk the “cowsâ€? in the morning, well knowing that Ranch only had bulls. Chuck returned with bull’s milk.
December 31, 2005 at 3:06 am
AS A YOUNG CHILD, I ONCE DRANK A CUP OF CHUCK NORRIS’ URINE!!!! SOMETIMES I ALMOST FEEL AS BADASS AS CHUCK!!! SIGNED, SUPERMAN!
December 31, 2005 at 9:33 am
“mel hacah ne kir du biska chuck norris”—
translation: When they found me in a hole in Iraq, it wasn’t because I was scared of the troops, I heard they had sent Chuck Norris to look for me”.
–Saddam Hussein
December 31, 2005 at 9:36 am
Those aren’t stars you see in the sky at night–they are the pearly white teeth of every man Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked in the face.
December 31, 2005 at 11:30 am
on walker texas ranger… chuck norris’s partner isn’t black.. he’s bruised
December 31, 2005 at 11:31 am
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
December 31, 2005 at 11:34 am
When the Boogeman goes to sleep every night… he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.. chuck norris has not had to pay his taxes ever.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris!!!
December 31, 2005 at 12:07 pm
Very funny
December 31, 2005 at 12:45 pm
Chuck Norris is writing the Chuck Norris facts.
December 31, 2005 at 2:36 pm
Chuck Norris knows how to use the 3 shells
December 31, 2005 at 2:37 pm
Chcuk Norris doesn’t watch paint dry he stares it down until it stops being wet.
December 31, 2005 at 2:37 pm
Chuck Norris wipes his ass with sandpaper
December 31, 2005 at 2:45 pm
Chuck Norris once kicked a Billie Goats ass for having a beard.
December 31, 2005 at 2:46 pm
When Chuck Norris drinks the water in Mexico the water gets sick.
December 31, 2005 at 2:52 pm
The space time continium is loosley based on Chuck Norris’s brain activity.
December 31, 2005 at 2:54 pm
Chuck Norris’s shit doesn’t stink.
December 31, 2005 at 2:55 pm
Chuck Norris left testicle is considered a delicacy in China.
December 31, 2005 at 2:58 pm
Chuck Norris once pitched a no hitter while banging his wife.
December 31, 2005 at 3:02 pm
Chcuk Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.
December 31, 2005 at 3:03 pm
Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
December 31, 2005 at 3:04 pm
Chuck Norris likes watching Oprah. And by watching I mean Killing and by Oprah I mean Oprah.
December 31, 2005 at 3:05 pm
Chuck Norris once round house kicked Jeff Foxworthy for using his name in a skit.
December 31, 2005 at 3:07 pm
He-man wears Chuck Norris under-roos.
December 31, 2005 at 3:09 pm
Chcuk Norris once forgot to answer in the form of a question, Alex Trebek and the judges wear too afraid to correct him.
December 31, 2005 at 3:11 pm
The song “Your The Best” by Joe Esposito was playing while Chuck Norris was born.
December 31, 2005 at 3:12 pm
Chuck Norris can fart the alphabet backwards.
December 31, 2005 at 5:21 pm
chuck norris “knows” what happened to DB COOPER!
December 31, 2005 at 5:49 pm
santa knows when chuck norris is awake,Chuck norris knows when santa sleeping
December 31, 2005 at 5:51 pm
On the 2nd day god created chuck norris
December 31, 2005 at 10:22 pm
Someone once said your looking good to chuck norris, in return he roundhouse kicked him and said “good looks me, bitch”
December 31, 2005 at 11:44 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t refer to his penis as Chuck Norris Jr. he refers to it as Chuck Norris Sr. because his penis is in fact 5 in. taller than Chuck Norris
January 1, 2006 at 2:43 am
When Chuck Norris Plays baseball, he doesnt wear a cup because he has balls of steel.
January 1, 2006 at 2:45 am
it would take chuck norris only one dead baby to cover a 20 x 20 foot wall becuase he can throw a dead baby that hard.
January 1, 2006 at 2:47 am
if chuck norris was to ever wait for something, time itself would speed up until it suited chuck norris.
January 1, 2006 at 2:51 am
if chuck norris were to mkae a killing machine, he would only make himself again.
January 1, 2006 at 3:21 am
Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty
January 1, 2006 at 4:48 am
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
January 1, 2006 at 5:31 am
Chuck Norris does not drink “Guinness Balck and Tans.” He drinks used motor oil and pure gasoline.He also delivers “Guinness Black and Blues” with a roundhouse kick to the face.
January 1, 2006 at 9:54 am
Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
January 1, 2006 at 12:06 pm
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
January 1, 2006 at 2:48 pm
Chuck Norris knows exactly what Don Vito trys to say.
January 1, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t jesuss birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday
January 1, 2006 at 5:52 pm
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
January 1, 2006 at 7:24 pm
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about
January 1, 2006 at 8:27 pm
I understand Chuck Norris is bisexual. Too bad Keanu Reeves did’nt know the price he’d pay to have Chuck teach him how to fight in “The Matrix” –he should have seen it coming though , after all Chuck knows no boundaries when it comes to appreciating beauty .
January 1, 2006 at 9:01 pm
Chuck norrises penis has its own elbow which he uses to karate chop midgets
January 1, 2006 at 11:13 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t live in a house, houses live in Chuck Norris.
January 1, 2006 at 11:19 pm
God doesn’t want Chuck Norris, and the devils afraid of him.
January 1, 2006 at 11:23 pm
China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
January 1, 2006 at 11:27 pm
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.
January 2, 2006 at 12:59 am
Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
January 2, 2006 at 1:05 am
Chuck Norris’ iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.
January 2, 2006 at 1:06 am
people don’t die Chuck Norris kills them
January 2, 2006 at 1:13 am
Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Two”
January 2, 2006 at 1:18 am
Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
January 2, 2006 at 2:02 am
when chuck norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to chuck,�excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole�. Chuck norris turned towards the man and said, im chuck norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by chuck norris, chuck norris roundhose kicked him in the face anyways
January 2, 2006 at 6:42 am
God isn’t dead. He’s just afraid that if He intervenes in human affairs again He’ll have to answer to Chuck Norris.
January 2, 2006 at 10:21 am
Chuck Norris never skiped class, class was always cancled.
January 2, 2006 at 4:13 pm
Chuck Norris did not play for his high school football team, Chuck Norris WAS his high school football team.
January 2, 2006 at 7:40 pm
Once a police officer pulled Chuck Norris over for speeding. The police officer walks up to the car and says “Guess how fast you were going?” Somehow Chuck Norris roundhouse kickes him in the face. Chuck Norris dosent guess he knows.
January 2, 2006 at 7:41 pm
You know Chuck Norris means business, because hes listed on the stock exchange. His stockes are always up.
January 2, 2006 at 7:42 pm
Chuck Norris is so manly he has no nipples.
January 2, 2006 at 8:16 pm
chuck norris doesn’t need a car. he can fly. but only if he wanted to
January 2, 2006 at 9:04 pm
If I had a dime for everytime Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked some one in the face, Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick me in the face and take my dimes.
January 3, 2006 at 12:18 am
Chuck Norris invented “The WAVE”
January 3, 2006 at 2:09 am
Jest if we must, about this outstanding and admirable man, but just keep the things you just read in mind. (one step above you here) .
There is absolutely no doubt about it; Chuck Norris is the entertainment world’s greatest guy.
He’s a man that stands far above all those Hollywood tin-horn jokers.
He’s strong- – yes- -body, mind and soul. He’s also a great humanitarian.
He deserves respect.
BTW-: did you know he has 7 children ?
January 3, 2006 at 4:07 am
Chuck Norris was the model for Superman, but when he was asked to shave his beard he delivered a roundhouse kick that was “faster than a speeding bullet”, and “more powerful than a locomotive”.
January 3, 2006 at 7:20 am
There was once a rumour that Chuck Norris was beaten by a pirate… but in fact it was a rumour created by Chuck Norris to lure more pirates to him.
January 3, 2006 at 7:21 am
Chuck Norris shaves by roundhouse kicking himself in the face cause the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris
January 3, 2006 at 10:01 am
once a blind man bumped into chuck norris on the street. Chuck said to the man “do you know who i am?” “i’m chuck norris”. the sheer mention of his name cured the man from blindness. Unfortunately the first, last and only thing the man saw was the fatal roundhouse kick that chuck delivered.
January 3, 2006 at 10:04 am
when chuck norris chops onions they cry
January 3, 2006 at 10:51 am
Much like an alligator, Chuck Norris can fully digest a turtle shell.
January 3, 2006 at 10:52 am
Chuck Norris uses a live rattlesnake as a condom.
January 3, 2006 at 10:52 am
Chuck Norris drives a golf cart made of human skulls.
January 3, 2006 at 10:55 am
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
January 3, 2006 at 10:57 am
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
January 3, 2006 at 11:07 am
Chuck Norris is currently applying to be on the reality show Survivor..not as a contestant, but as the obsticle the contestants have to survive!
We never actually dropped an Atomic bomb on Japan. Instead Truman told Chuck Norris that the Japanese were planning to secretly shave his beard. Chuck volunteered to be dropped on Japan twice. When Chuck found out about the lie, he roundhouse kick Truman in is kidney. To cover up the incident, Truman’s staff invented to atomic bomb story and told the U.S. he suffered from polio.
January 3, 2006 at 11:08 am
Chuck Norris once got in an argument with his father. Instead of talking out their differences Chuck traveled back in time to 10 minutes before he was conceived. Killed his father with a devastating round house kick, then knocked up his mother himself.
January 3, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Chuck Norris once round housed smurfed papa smurf for having a beard.
January 3, 2006 at 1:55 pm
E + MCX2= Chuck
January 3, 2006 at 1:59 pm
If a train leaves Denver at 12:35, Chuck Norris will round house kick it by one.
January 3, 2006 at 2:02 pm
When Chuck Norris Plays Monopoly he always passes Go and always collects 200 dollars.
January 3, 2006 at 2:50 pm
Similar to Willie Wonka putting golden tickets in his candybars, Chuck Norris decided to place random pieces of fresh meat in ipod boxes across the country to mark the next vitcim of a roundhouse kick.
January 3, 2006 at 3:17 pm
Chuck Norris does not say good morning….he says GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!
January 3, 2006 at 3:25 pm
You dont sell your soul to the devil. You sell your face to Chuck Norris’ shoe.
January 3, 2006 at 3:47 pm
F***ing chuck norris!
January 3, 2006 at 4:04 pm
The world was square until chuck norris gave it a roundhouse kick!
January 3, 2006 at 4:04 pm
Chuck Norris lived near power lines as a kid it gave him the powers he posses today.
January 3, 2006 at 4:05 pm
The square root of an ass kicking is Chuck Norris to the second power.
January 3, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Beard plus four minus two equals Chuck. With a remainder Norris.
January 3, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Chuck does rhyme with f**k, and thats no accident.
January 3, 2006 at 4:09 pm
Chuck Norris knows when hold em, and knows when to fold em.
January 3, 2006 at 4:10 pm
Chuck Norris is a multiple of 2.
January 3, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a nuetron.
January 3, 2006 at 4:16 pm
Gray hair is afraid to grow on Chuck Norris’ head.
January 3, 2006 at 5:50 pm
[...] Apparently these are circulating via e-mail, but they’re also on several blogs. [...]
January 3, 2006 at 6:18 pm
The 9th Rule Of Fight Club………DO NOT talk about Chuck Norris
January 3, 2006 at 6:27 pm
Chuck Norris can talk and give round house kicks on msn without being online
January 3, 2006 at 6:31 pm
Chuck Norris calls Andy Milinokis a pea-head….punches every bee in the face….then round house kicks Bruce Lee off Andy’s head
January 3, 2006 at 6:33 pm
Chuck Norris took Bart Simpson’s Butterfinger
January 3, 2006 at 6:43 pm
Chuck Norris caught the Road-Runner Wile E Coyote couldn’t……Then round housed kicked Wile E. in the face, said ” Beep Beep Mother-F’Nocker ” and took off in a cloud of diamond dust.
January 3, 2006 at 8:17 pm
chuck norris is his own daddy
January 3, 2006 at 9:16 pm
Chuck Norris beat cancer. By cancer i mean babies.
January 3, 2006 at 9:52 pm
CHUCK NORRIS DONT HAVE ANYTHING ON MY CRANK!!!!!!!
January 3, 2006 at 10:03 pm
I once fought Chuck Norris in a Tourney. He was nothing and I beat him to a pulp. If you don’t believe me contact me in Tennessee @ 1-800-328-7448. CHuck is a wimp and I cahllenge him again. This time I will tie one hand behind my back!!!!
January 3, 2006 at 11:27 pm
Chuck Norris once jumped from the Sears Tower and survived. The impact caused an earthquake reading 9.7 on the richter scale killing everyone in the 20 mile radius.
January 4, 2006 at 12:53 am
Alright kids, you’ve had your fun, now it’s time to find some other subject or passtime, and lay off Mr. Norris.
It’s gotten so your “jokes” are rarely funny and it’s becoming tiresome. You just are not witty enough to come up with anything unique and really, really amuseing. And instead of entertaining people you are getting many of them disgusted and pissed.
Read the post about Chuck Norris and his records and accomplishments again, and think hard before you rattle off a lot of insulting shit about him again.
Stuff a sock in it ; you are’nt funny anymore.
Chuck Norris is one of the nicest guys ever in just about every way a man can be. Read his books.
HE DESERVES RESPECT.
January 4, 2006 at 2:22 am
Bruce Lee did not really die of a brain adema. Chuck Norris killed him because his roundhouse kick was inferior.
January 4, 2006 at 3:08 am
Chuck Norris never signed a contract in ink. It was always his agents blood.
January 4, 2006 at 4:07 am
chuck norris doesnt eat, food tells him how it tastes.
chuck norris met jesus once, god called the cops.
chuck norris doesnt write books, books write about chuck norris
chuck norris doesnt take his shirts off he burns them off.
chuck norris lives in a haunted house and the ghosts tell stories about him.
chuck norris’ beard disappears under blacklights
January 4, 2006 at 6:20 am
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
January 4, 2006 at 6:24 am
Chuck Norris’ action figure has slept with more women then most men.
January 4, 2006 at 7:45 am
sidekicks starring chuck norris was possible the best film ever created. he should earn some sort of ninja super-warrior award for it.
January 4, 2006 at 8:29 am
Ticked is really Chuck Norris and he’s not happy with us reveiling these facts about him.
January 4, 2006 at 8:31 am
Chuck Norris eats carnivores for breakfast.
January 4, 2006 at 9:00 am
There once were more sea lions living on earth than people. Untill Chuck Norris was born.
January 4, 2006 at 10:30 am
chuck norris is god for more than two reasons.
January 4, 2006 at 10:55 am
When the Incredible Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris !
January 4, 2006 at 11:24 am
There is no God theres simply a Chuck Norris.
January 4, 2006 at 11:28 am
‘Ticked’, whom posted post 345 above, is really him. Its really the Norris! He is going to drive his golf cart made of human skulls to each one of our houses and kill us all! All the while plugging his books…..
January 4, 2006 at 12:47 pm
One day, Chuck Norris happened to cross the road, upon doing so, he was hit by a car. Moments later, the news flashed that Princess Diana died of a car crash.
On the side of Chuck Norris’ boot, it is written, “One kick to rule them all…”
Long ago, Chuck Norris was attacked by a Native American, because of his cowboy attire… Chuck Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick the indian, and decided to find the indian’s family, then friends, then acquaintances. Historians called this massacre the, “Trail of Tears.”
The Terminator told Chuck Norris, “I’ll be back.” The Terminator never returned.
January 4, 2006 at 12:58 pm
Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and has a drink. A man turns to him and ask, “You’re Chuck Norris aren’t you?” Chuck looked at the man, and then got punched in the face.
January 4, 2006 at 3:25 pm
Chuck Norris is a wonderful man……read his books…. ( Chuck Norris told me to post this or he’ll kill me……He’ll prolly do it anyway…..Nice Knowing ya )
January 4, 2006 at 6:27 pm
While he would be embarrassed to admit it today, Chuck Norris was somewhat of a hippie back in the sixties; he once punched Timothy Leary in the throat, and he even killed people at Woodstock!
January 4, 2006 at 6:27 pm
As the first Westerner awarded an eighth-degree black belt in Tae Kwan Do, Chuck Norris is an inspiration to white children, showing them that, with proper mental, spiritual and physical discipline, non-Asians can master Eastern martial art traditions too. Norris also inspires Asian children – inspires them to stay the fuck away or get their little Kung-Pao asses stomped. WAAAA!!!!
January 4, 2006 at 6:28 pm
Using only a couple of ordinary roofing nails and his fist as a hammer, Chuck Norris was able to convert a live bald eagle into a badass hood ornament for his monster truck.
January 4, 2006 at 6:28 pm
One part philanthropy, one part court-ordered community service – for about ten hours each week Chuck Norris volunteers his cock ’n balls to the Safari Land Petting Zoo in Jacksonville, Florida.
January 4, 2006 at 6:29 pm
Chuck Norris once bought a copper-metal red Ferrari to match his beard . . . and immediately proceeded to beat it with his fists until it was a flattened heap of scrap metal. To this day he is still making payments on that car.
January 4, 2006 at 6:31 pm
Chuck Norris is a card carrying organ donor, and requests that after his death, his unusually solid body be used as an attack dummy at one of his many Tae Kwan Dojos.
January 4, 2006 at 7:00 pm
Chucky probably sleeps…or better said waits on a bed of broken glass. But hold on a minute…didn’t Bruce Lee kick his ass back in the day???
January 4, 2006 at 7:53 pm
Cigarettes get addicted to Chuck Norris.
January 4, 2006 at 9:35 pm
C.N. secrets never before disclosed :
Keanu Reeves lives in fear of Mr. Norris. Not because he’s afraid “Walker” might chuck him, but because he might- – - – - him. ?????
January 5, 2006 at 12:46 am
[...] The Ultimate Showdown—Who will win? Chuck Norris? [...]
January 5, 2006 at 3:55 am
HAHAHAHA! It’s funny because it’s true!!!
January 5, 2006 at 10:32 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t have to buy a vowel, Pat Sayjak just gives them to him.
January 5, 2006 at 10:38 am
Bob Barker once tried to tell Chuck Norris to spade or nuder his pets. Chuck instantly responded by a roundhouse kick to the head and followed by banging every female contestant.
January 5, 2006 at 11:14 am
when chuck norris goes shopping he does’nt buy he takes
January 5, 2006 at 12:08 pm
[...] 5) Chuck Norris Phenomenon – “Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.” Last, but certainly not least, here’s an examination of the resurgent interest in the great Chuck Norris. If you haven’t received the ubiquitous “Chuck Norris – The Facts” email, here it is. [...]
January 5, 2006 at 1:50 pm
hillarious, but some 85% og the comments are really riddiciouluss.. sry bout my english;)
January 5, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
January 5, 2006 at 3:22 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t use weights, weights use Chuck Norris
January 5, 2006 at 4:32 pm
Jack and Jill ran up the hill, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Jack down and made sweet barbaric love to Jill, then they both went home crying.
January 5, 2006 at 5:11 pm
when chuck norris does a pushup… he doesn’t push his body up… he pushes the world down…
January 5, 2006 at 6:55 pm
A girl once came to Chuck Norris’ house selling chocolate bars. Chuck Norris bought three “Mint Chocolate” bars, then delivered a roundhouse kick to her face.
January 5, 2006 at 9:24 pm
chuck norris taught pokemon to kill in less than 6 seconds
January 5, 2006 at 9:27 pm
Ben and Jerry’s Chucklate Norris Nut is chock full of peanuts genetically engineered to kill you, even if you’re not normally allergic. Nevertheless, Norris’s tireless product endorsements have kept it one of their best selling flavors.
January 5, 2006 at 11:05 pm
A movie about the life of Chuck Norris is being made. It will be called “Walker Texas Roundhouse Masacer”
January 5, 2006 at 11:23 pm
Chuck Norris’s Toilet is made of Diamond and Kevlar. It is the only material that can withstand the explosive force of his sphincter muscles.
January 6, 2006 at 12:54 am
i once drop-kick Chuck Norris , then he roundhouse Kicked me , im around no longer
January 6, 2006 at 9:02 am
Coffee drinks Chuck Norris to wake up in the morning.
January 6, 2006 at 9:08 am
The sun rises in the east because Chuck Norris sleeps facing west.
January 6, 2006 at 9:09 am
Chuck Norris can make water boil by staring it down.
January 6, 2006 at 12:42 pm
Chuck Noris Once Ordered a big Mac at burger king and got one.
Chuck Noris sued Burger King for not putting razor blades in his burger.
God wanted 10 days to create the world, Chuck Norris gave him 6.
God said “let there be light”, Chuck norris said Say please”
January 6, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Chuck Norris for pope!!
January 6, 2006 at 4:15 pm
Chuck Norris does not study martial arts, martial arts is the study of Chuck Norris.
Space is expanding in a worthless attempt to escape Chuck Norris.
January 6, 2006 at 6:38 pm
When Chuck Norris plays golf he gives the ball a handicap. And then roundhouse kicks it in the face.
January 6, 2006 at 6:42 pm
There have actually been 5 intelligent species in the universe aside from humans, each capable of destroying the earth. Fortunately for us, each one of them pissed off Chuck Norris.
January 6, 2006 at 9:00 pm
Chuck Norris can lick his own elbow.
Chuck Norris can make you lick your own elbow.
Not even Chuck Norris can kick his own ass.
Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for presents. Bad Santas get roundhouse kicks to the face. Good Santas get roundhouse kicks to the face. And a juicer.
Chuck Norris is so manly, even his penis has a beard.
January 6, 2006 at 9:16 pm
chck norris once found another man named chuck norris and killed him for having sex with is wife, saying “nobody has sex with chuck norris’ wife except chuck norris”
January 6, 2006 at 9:17 pm
chuck norris killed bill
January 6, 2006 at 9:56 pm
How did all this blasphemy get started ? I don’t know exactly how to take it, but I have a bad feeling about it somehow.
What I’d like to know is why Chuck Norris ? Did you ever stop to think that all this may actually hurt him ? I wish I could put a stop to it. I mean, when is it going to end ? I’m hoping soon.
Are you poking fun at him because you think he’s a hack or a conceited ass with a big fist–? Or are you saying all these things as a fan who has a lot of faith in his example of the power of one man ?
I hope your exaggerations are complements, not insults. I can’t understand why anyone would want to make Chuck look bad. He’s such a decent and generous guy- -a real person. The last thing he would be is a phoney. He’s a person to admire.
Can’t you find somebody else for a whipping post ? How about that filthy, obnoxious , slime bag , degenerate Howard Stern ? He’s making millions by toilet talking, and he dfeserves evry bad thing that we could possibly think of to call him. I hope it would ruin him too. He’s a bastard.
Anyhow, how about for every goofy thing you say about Chuck, you say something good too ?
January 7, 2006 at 1:11 am
the person who left the comment above has since been killed by a mysterious round house related death
January 7, 2006 at 1:23 am
Son of a gun, I knew I saw a Chuck Norris post somewhere. I knew I wasn’t that original. Surprisingly, all the facts I listed are different from your.
I think it’s because Chuck Norris willed it that way.
January 7, 2006 at 1:59 am
Bill Brasky refuses to engage Chuck Norris, knowing the ensuing battle would destroy existence as we know it.
January 7, 2006 at 2:23 am
Come on big online heros, answer some of the questions I wrote in my 399 post ! Do it with a straight face .
You are cheap and cowardly to have fun at his expense. GROW UP !! And have a heart.
One thing you ARE right about though: he’s super strong…and not just in his kicking ,punching and clever moves dynamics !
Think about these things !!!!
Now Howard Stern deserves to have his lights put out- -kill that slime-sucking , foul-mouthed son of a b ! Compared to Chuck Norris he is a lowly inferior human being- – and may influence some people to be more like him–and that would be hideous. I’d like to see Chuck pull that rat’s nest hair of Stern’s right out of his skull. Now THAT should give us somethinmg to laugh about !
January 7, 2006 at 4:23 am
YOU MUST READ!
A TRUE BUT SWEET BITTER STORY
Sadly a 71 year old nun, Sister Mary of Holy Bleeding Heart Redeemer, approached and greeted Chuck Norris from behind with a gentle hand to the shoulder. Chuck responded with the customary roundhouse kick to the face. Fortunately the thrust was so it sent her back 50 years making her 21 years old. Unfortunately she was decapitated.
January 7, 2006 at 10:51 am
Chuck Norris doesnt rape women. He justs like a challenge
January 7, 2006 at 11:48 am
[...] Dois posts absolutamente hilariantes (e respectivos comentários) sobre as caracterÃsticas divinas daquela personagem inimitável, aqui e aqui. [...]
January 7, 2006 at 12:08 pm
Ticked, you shouldn’t take us seriously. From what I’m concerned, our jokes could just as well been directed at someone else. But I honestly can’t think of anyone else worthy of being discussed in so much detail on the net. I mean, where else on earth will you find a more potent weapon than Chuck’s roundhouse kick. He is fucking awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
January 7, 2006 at 12:52 pm
Chuck Norris never reads, he just stares the book down until the book gives up the information.
and
Howard Stern has no roundhouse kick, no awards, no beard, and no interesting qualities. ~FIN
January 7, 2006 at 1:17 pm
hi my name is brett
January 7, 2006 at 1:33 pm
Howzit Brett! You a Chuck fan?
January 7, 2006 at 3:20 pm
Hitchhiker : Thank you for your positive and somewhat healing words ! (post 408).
A few teasing and fun remarks about Chuck Norris can be tolerated, as long as they are halfway witty and intelligent, but to make a mockery of him is belittleing and he does’nt deserve to be debased like that.
A little funning is okay, but keep it in his favor. Also keep this in mind : when it comes to Chuck “Walker” Norris, he may pack a punch but he is still more of a helper than a hurter.
P.S. – as far as Stern and a beard goes, if Howard did have one you would’nt want to touch it ; it’s full of nits, and contaminating. UGH !!
January 7, 2006 at 3:22 pm
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked and comatosed a Democrat for misspelling the word USA
January 7, 2006 at 3:28 pm
Natalie Wood drowned because Chuck Norris promised her that all wood floats.
Chuck Norris is the answer to What’s eating Gilbert Grape.
Chuck Norris does not actually own a barbecue. He rips off his shirt and sunbathes with the meat on his chest.
January 7, 2006 at 4:36 pm
Teehee. -giggle-
January 7, 2006 at 4:59 pm
chuck norris squeeses coal in his assceeks to make diamonds
January 7, 2006 at 5:28 pm
Chuck norris has a son. his name is god.
January 7, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Chuck norris doesn’t play video games… video games play him.
January 7, 2006 at 5:49 pm
Chuck Norris Got milk
January 7, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie… How many fuckin licks he wants.
January 7, 2006 at 7:25 pm
Ticked: Well said. I’ve been doing karate for about a year now and I’m telling you it’s way harder than it looks. Those guys are supper fit and it takes a lot of self discipline and training to get to the top.
I honestly think that most people rip of Chuck Norris due to the roll he played in Walker Texas Ranger. The show is truly pathetic, don’t you think?
January 7, 2006 at 7:31 pm
Sorry for the miss spelled word. I meant SUPER fit.
January 7, 2006 at 8:18 pm
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors
January 7, 2006 at 8:19 pm
Chuck Norris lost his virginty before his dad did
January 7, 2006 at 9:59 pm
Chuck Norris met the pinball wizard, and they had sex on the pinball game.
January 7, 2006 at 10:00 pm
Chuck Norris married Bigfoot and gave birth to his mother. Why not suck on that you tinkle head!
January 7, 2006 at 10:01 pm
Mr. Norris can speak in old church slavonic and once farted gold dust
January 7, 2006 at 10:17 pm
If you think karate is hard work, you suck at life.
January 8, 2006 at 1:15 am
Chuck Norris is like a train, he stops for no one
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? To round house kick the chicken in the face.
January 8, 2006 at 1:27 am
Hitchhiker :
You say ” “Walker ;Texas Ranger” was “pathetic” don’t you think ?”
Do I think it was pathetic ? Hell no ! It had all the makings of a good hour’s entertainment – there was action, humor,good plots, romance, and each story made a point; usual somekind of a lesson to put across.
A Texas Ranger is someone to admire; he’s a dependable law enforcer; a ledgendary hero etc. , so he’s not just some imaginary type of role model; he’s real and I can’t see anything funny about wearing that title for a show , tv etc. It was a good idea.
Chuck played the part very well- -he’s a strong, silent type ; as Teddy Roosevelt said “speak softly and carry a big stick” That’s “Walker” ; as a matter of fact that’s Chuck Norris too.
All the characters were quite likable ; “CD” was absolutely lovable.
The only time I felt myself losing patience with the show is when they brought in all those other characters; each one of them a-kicking and a socking away at everything within arm’s reach–somehow when they started having 4 or 5 differant karate kids working the cases with him, it sort of took the edge off Chuck’s performances . The show should have focused on him and his victories etc.
Ahyhow , tell me why you say it was “pathetic”
January 8, 2006 at 2:41 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t have dandruff and head & shoulders has nothing to do with it.
January 8, 2006 at 3:17 am
Which came first?
A: The chicken, or
B: the egg?
The correct answer is C: Chuck Norris.
January 8, 2006 at 11:21 am
Charles Bronson roundhouse kicked the Charles out of Charles Norris, and that is why he is called Chuck Norris, and hates Charles Bronson with all his heart
January 8, 2006 at 12:39 pm
Contrary To popular belief The Right Brothers were not the first to fly a plane, Chuck Noriss in fact roundhouse kicked them for a mile.
AND!
The American Dollar Originally read “In Chuck We Trust,” But religious conservatives protested, and Chuck relented only after roundhouse kicking them all in the face.
ONE MORE!
The First Emperor of Rome was NOT Julius Ceaser, Chuckus Norissius Maximus, known for subverting the tides of Germanic Celts with only a single roundhouse kick.
January 8, 2006 at 12:45 pm
During The Salem Witch trials; people argued should witches be burned at the stake or subjected to a roundhouse kick to the face delivered by Chuck Noriss. They Chose the more Humane Route.
Scientists argued faster than light travel, until Chuck Noriss roundhouse kicked one of them in the face.
January 8, 2006 at 12:54 pm
since the birth of Chuck Norris deaths by roundhouse kicks have gone up by the thousands
January 8, 2006 at 1:05 pm
chuck norris is so sick of “ticked” being a pussy, he will roundhouse kick him into next week!
January 8, 2006 at 1:21 pm
[...] Dois posts absolutamente hilariantes (e respectivos comentários) sobre as caracterÃsticas divinas daquela personagem inimitável, aqui e aqui. [...]
January 8, 2006 at 1:24 pm
[...] Dois posts absolutamente hilariantes (e respectivos comentários) sobre as caracterÃsticas divinas daquela personagem inimitável, aqui e aqui. [...]
January 8, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Walker Texas Ranger, only in tv land would a police officer be able to whip out a brand new $50,000 car to be shot up in almost every episode.
January 8, 2006 at 3:12 pm
Also, I think my brain might explode from suspense if i see one more person put into a ‘sleeper’.
January 8, 2006 at 3:14 pm
If you walk up to Chuck Norris and ask him what time it is, he’ll say “Two seconds til” and when you reply, “Two seconds til what?” he’ll roundhouse kicks you in the face.
January 8, 2006 at 4:01 pm
[...] want to know more? [...]
January 8, 2006 at 4:07 pm
[...] noch mehr davon findet sich hier: [...]
January 8, 2006 at 4:57 pm
Chuck Norris quenches his thirst with tabasco sauce
January 8, 2006 at 6:29 pm
In a recent television interview with Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris responded to every one of the interviewer’s questions by pointing to his belt buckle which read “NOT MY PROBLEM”. after about 5 minutes of this, Chuck Norris said, “Interview over,” and roundhoused the reporter. Witnessing this, the cameraman screamed, “You killed him!” Chuck Norris pointed at his belt buckle and flew away.
January 8, 2006 at 6:33 pm
Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”
January 8, 2006 at 6:33 pm
When Chuck Norris went to school he was his own principal
January 8, 2006 at 6:36 pm
Once, during a characteristic rampage, Chuck Norris stopped to ponder the meaning of it all: could there be more to this life than indiscriminate free-form homicide? Just then, someone in the massive pile-up bit him on the shoulder, and, with a swift neck-twist retaliation, it all came rushing back to him why he truly loves what he does. For the sake of kill-efficiency Norris vowed to never be introspective again.
January 8, 2006 at 7:51 pm
Chuck Norris is from planet Roundhouse.
January 8, 2006 at 8:22 pm
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity…..twice
January 8, 2006 at 8:37 pm
Chuck Norris is tougher than Miss Piggy
January 8, 2006 at 8:39 pm
Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay’s chip
January 8, 2006 at 8:39 pm
Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter
January 8, 2006 at 8:42 pm
Chuck Norris does not get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris
January 8, 2006 at 10:44 pm
Chuck got something like a 1200 on his SAT. It would have been higher if he didn’t spend so much time kicking nerd ass during the test.
January 8, 2006 at 11:17 pm
Chuck Norris read “War and Peace”. He liked the first half better.
January 9, 2006 at 3:48 am
Rick james wunce said iam *chuck norris BITCH!* may he r.i.p.
January 9, 2006 at 3:57 am
Chuck Norris has a deal with Nokia, all he has to say is phone and a phone appears beside his ear and dials automatically.
January 9, 2006 at 10:23 am
Once, chuck norris ate 200 grapes, and peed out wine.
January 9, 2006 at 10:58 am
chuck norris invented electricity
January 9, 2006 at 10:59 am
chuck norris was the key on ben franklin’s kite
January 9, 2006 at 12:32 pm
barney told chuck norris he loved him. chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face. Barney was mysteriuosly canceled.
January 9, 2006 at 12:40 pm
the volcano didnt kill the dinasors….chuch norris did
January 9, 2006 at 1:53 pm
superman wanted to be chuck norris when he grew up
January 9, 2006 at 1:54 pm
god wanted to be chuck norris when he grew up
January 9, 2006 at 2:14 pm
[...] Click here to read some very funny facts about my former hero Chuck Norris. Be sure to check out some of the comments, they are the funniest! [...]
January 9, 2006 at 2:19 pm
chuck norris is suing god on the count of identity theft
January 9, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Chuck Norris was once ranked 5th on the AP College Football Poll.
January 9, 2006 at 3:26 pm
Chuck Norris does not kill the average man. The average man kills himself out of respect towards Chuck Norris.
January 9, 2006 at 3:59 pm
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? Well actually if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
- Quote by Travis Dultz 1/9/05
January 9, 2006 at 4:32 pm
CN was a member of the Crips and the Bloods at the same time, and frequently used to fight himself in LA’s Gangland wars in the 80′s. It goes without saying that the fights were always brutal, and Chuckles always won.
January 9, 2006 at 5:12 pm
In his grade-school years Chuck Norris was mercilessly teased for his love of justice, effortless way with women and swift murder-kicks. It got so bad he was forced to transfer schools. But Norris eventually overcame his handicaps and beat all odds by winning the Oscar for Best Shirtless Acting in ‘Delta Force 2’.
January 9, 2006 at 6:07 pm
When Chuck Norris has run out of razors hes shaves with glass
January 9, 2006 at 6:47 pm
chuck norris was never born. he roundhouse kicked his way out of his mothers whom and proceded on kicking the rest of the doctors to.
January 9, 2006 at 7:03 pm
Chuck Norris didn’t appreciate the title of the book “Excel for dummies” when he ordered it from Amazon. Nevertheless, Norris found it was the most straightforward guide to learning this spreadsheet tool that he was using to collate a list of all the women he has slept with. Norris got up to 9th grade before he realised that Excel is limited to 65,536 rows.
January 9, 2006 at 7:14 pm
Michael Jordan once said “I wanna be like Chuck”
January 9, 2006 at 7:41 pm
From everyone- -to the last Television
Cowboy ; the guy in the black Stetson hat :
EVERYDAY WE WAKE UP
THEN WE START TO BREAKUP
THINKING CHUCK MIGHT LEAVE US ALL FOR GOOD
CHUCK WER’E WAITING FOR YOU
HOW WE ALL ADORE YOU
WE WISH YOU’D COME AND SEE US IF YOU COULD.
THE BAD GUYS NEED A PASTE-ING
TIME IS SURELY WASTE-ING
YOU GAVE US LAW AND ORDER AND A PRAYER
YOU TAUGHT ‘EM WRONG FROM RIGHT
MADE THEM SEE THE LIGHT
WE LOVE YOU ‘CAUSE WE KNOW YOU REALLY CARE
THEY LISTENED WHEN YOU SPOKE
THEY KNEW YOU DID’T JOKE
THEY HAD FAITH YOU’D ALWAYS FIND A WAY
OUR CITIES NEED A WALKER
NOT JUST SOME BIG TALKER
TO HELP THE KIDS AND WIDOWS EVERY DAY !
Texas and true believers
True Believers
January 9, 2006 at 7:51 pm
Every time Chuck Norris reads bad poetry on the Internet, another nursing home, orphanage or hospital is destroyed.
Nice going Ticked.
January 9, 2006 at 7:54 pm
hey ticked – it’s not that you are wrong , but damn! Chuck is supposed to be naughty, not nice .
January 9, 2006 at 8:04 pm
Chuck Norris is unfamiliar with the concept of toilet tissue. His fiber-rich diet of bran muffins, asian children and granite ensures he snaps off clean. Every time.
January 9, 2006 at 9:07 pm
Chuck Norris trained Bob Barker. That is why the price is always right, bitch!!!
January 9, 2006 at 9:08 pm
Chuck Norris’ 4th grade science project was God.
January 9, 2006 at 9:37 pm
chuck norris once cock slapped ty up down left right, thats why his nose is so fucked up
January 9, 2006 at 9:51 pm
from Chucks website…
IN RESPONSE TO THE “RANDOM FACTS” THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET
I’m aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as “Chuck Norris facts.” I’ve seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I’m not quite sure what to make of it. It’s quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, “Against All Odds?” They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, “The Justice Riders,” released this month. I’m very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris
January 9, 2006 at 10:19 pm
Chuck Norris got gas. We got global Warming.
January 9, 2006 at 10:49 pm
René Déscartes was in a private class with his instructor in philosophy, Chuck Norris, who taught him the axiom, “I kick, therefore I am”, but unfortunately René misheard. Philosophy may have turned into a much more violent field of study if René had listened more closely.
January 9, 2006 at 10:56 pm
scholars maintain recieving a roundhouse kick from chuck norris is comparable to the force of an atomic bomb upon impact, unfortunately studies cannot be conducted because consecutive norris blows would cause the universe to implode
January 9, 2006 at 10:57 pm
mortal kombat is not a video game, it is a home video of chuck norris’s 5th birthday party
January 9, 2006 at 10:58 pm
the burger king was knighted by chuck norris
January 9, 2006 at 11:07 pm
Chuck norris once heard Vin Diesel was tougher than he was. Enraged Chuck began a cross country jog from Texas to California and confronted Vin. It is not known exactly what happened but Immeidately following the confrontation Vin appeared in the movie the Pacifier, working for free. Vin has not appeared in any movies since but is scheduled to be a guest on the critically acclaimed sitcom “Days of our Lives”
January 9, 2006 at 11:13 pm
In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for an entire scene and nobody noticed.
January 10, 2006 at 12:44 am
when chuck finds out about this website your all in deep shit
January 10, 2006 at 4:00 am
When Chuck Norris plays baseball he doesn’t wear a cup he wears a yard glass
January 10, 2006 at 4:26 am
Chuck Noriss once had a dandruff problem, we call the product cocaine
January 10, 2006 at 8:03 am
they asked chuck noriss:
What would you do if three gangsters atacked you?
chuck noriss answered:
i would run because i would save three lifes in that way.
January 10, 2006 at 9:46 am
chuck norris has 2 cocks so he can dp christie brinkley inbetween infomercial takes
January 10, 2006 at 10:11 am
When Chuck Norris rolls a dice, he gets a seven.
January 10, 2006 at 11:42 am
After the U.S. invaded Iraq the only weapons of mass destruction found were Chuck Norris and a pair of tight fitting jeans.
January 10, 2006 at 1:11 pm
Chuck Norris is 74,688 years old, this is because the grim reaper got side-kicked in the neck and never came back for more.
January 10, 2006 at 1:12 pm
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
January 10, 2006 at 1:22 pm
The craters on the surface of the moon date back to the first time Chuck Norris stepped into a batting cage.
January 10, 2006 at 1:44 pm
Chuck Norris has five children whose names are:
- Van Damme
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Clint Eastwood
- Steven Seagal
- Joe Pesci
January 10, 2006 at 2:08 pm
One while on a vacation in germany, a strand of chuck Norris’ hair fell off. A scientist had taken it back to his lab and created a genetic clone from the small strand of DNA hair, creating a world class body builder and fighter. Later called Arnold Shchwarzeneger…
January 10, 2006 at 2:35 pm
gronkinator’s facts about chuck
The dinosaurs are extinct because when Chuck Norris was a growing boy, he ate them for lunch. All of them. In one sitting. Scientists have recently discovered prehistoric ash in the crater in mexico, revealing that this was not created by a meteor, but was in fact Chuck Norris’s fire pit for this meal.
in an average day, Chuck Norris:
kills 74 and a half people
sleeps with 120 women
eats two large automobiles
saves the world thrice, and
decimates a small city.
all the superman stories were actually about a real person. today we know this person as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He wakes up each day at five fifteen in the morining, an hour BEFORE he goes to bed.
for breakfast, he eats one metric ton of nails. this is to ensure he keeps a high iron content and prove how badass he is.
for dinner, he eats on african elephant and 5 square miles of vegetation. he washes this down with a tanker ship’s load of crude oil. for desert, he kills some more people.
Chuck Norris does not brush his teeth with a toothbrush and toothpaste. instead, he uses steel wool and hydrochloric acid.
all the third world countries were once first world countries. this was before Chuck Norris got to them.
evil companies are not destroying the rainforest. Chuck Norris eats several miles of it each day to ensure a balanced diet.
Chuck Norris never exercises. killing large animals with your bare hands is a good enough workout for him.
Chuck Norris once stopped a runaway locamotive just by glaring at it.
The earth WAS the center of the universe, untill Chuck Norris was born.
There was not atomic bomb in Hiroshima. the Lenola Gay dropped Chuck norris into the center of the city. In 3 seconds, he had destroyed every living thing within 15 miles and decided it was time for a lunch break.
January 10, 2006 at 2:36 pm
Death handed his title over to Chuck Norris. from now on, whenever a person dies, they will not meet a skeletal man. instead, they will meet a foot to the face.
January 10, 2006 at 2:48 pm
[...] Via – In regards to one of the top wordpress.com posts for several weeks found here [...]
January 10, 2006 at 3:24 pm
after going to the best restaurant in the world and eating 27 courses, chuck norris asked the waitress when the appetizers will be served.
Kryptonite, supermans weakness, is excreted from chucks body after he eats mashed potatoes.
Chuck Norris can decide the fate of the population of China with a low-pitched whistle
If you multiply Chuck by 1.5 you get Chuck Norris
Cambells soup corporation is desperately looking for employees after they tried to organize a deal with Chuck Norris. He let the owner off by only eating his left kidney and small intestine.
Chuck Norris has a degree in Norrisology.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever beat the owl in the tootsie pop commercial by getting to the tootsie roll center in .0597 licks.
Chuck Norris’ favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris spelled backwards is Chuck Norris
The closest anyone has ever come to killing Chuck Norris is living .005 of a second after they thought of it.
Human beings are just lesser duplicates of Chuck Norris, who has his own species.
January 10, 2006 at 8:25 pm
Chuck Norris Fact #238: Chuck Norris Can generate enough energy running on a treadmill for 10 mins to power the United States for 12 hours.
January 10, 2006 at 8:45 pm
Chuck Norris KNOWS where the beef is!!
January 10, 2006 at 9:31 pm
The dinosaurs became extinct after a large meteor was detected headed towards Earth. Chuck Norris figured to save the world, realizing he could stop the meteor by roundhouse-kicking all the dinosaurs at it.
January 10, 2006 at 9:33 pm
There is no Bermuda Triangle, just where Chuck Norris practices roundhouse kicks. Sometimes planes fly into them.
January 10, 2006 at 9:34 pm
You know why there are over 2500 unsolved murders per year in the United States? Because no man has ever been able to successfully finger print Chuck Norris.
January 10, 2006 at 9:34 pm
Chuck Norris once owed Moses a favor so he judo chopped the Red Sea.
January 10, 2006 at 9:36 pm
Counterary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is not the Son of God. He is God’s father.
January 11, 2006 at 12:07 am
Chuck Norris Let the dogs out!
January 11, 2006 at 10:07 am
Chuck Norris can’t do a backflip; He doesn’t need to. The world backflips around Chuck Norris.
January 11, 2006 at 10:13 am
[...] These “facts” about Chuck Norris are funny, but his own response is pretty cool, too. [...]
January 11, 2006 at 10:21 am
A statement can be as considered a fact only if it is Chuck Norris approved.
January 11, 2006 at 11:33 am
Chuck Norris first recorded karate chop and roundhouse kick was executed at birth, the unfortunate recipient was the doctor who had smacked him moments earlier.
January 11, 2006 at 11:50 am
Theres a reason Texas has little to no snow. It has something to do with Chuck norris.
January 11, 2006 at 11:52 am
I Chuck Norris and Mr. T should fight. There would be round house kicks and bass nuckles for all!
January 11, 2006 at 11:54 am
Chuck Norris can take a number 2 standing.
January 11, 2006 at 11:54 am
Chuck Norris goes to the Redwoods to make his nun-chucks.
January 11, 2006 at 11:55 am
Every night before bed Chuck Norris round house kicks 10 childern.
January 11, 2006 at 11:55 am
Chuck Norris made the best milkshake ever that it brought all the boys to the yard, then he roundhoused kicked them all in the face.
January 11, 2006 at 12:27 pm
chuck norris sleeps with a night light not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris
January 11, 2006 at 12:45 pm
Ashton Kutcher had plans to trick Chuck Norris into getting “Punk’d” on New Years Eve. If you have seen or heard from Ashton, please call (718)555-6875, any information you have on Mr.Kutcher’s whereabouts is greatly appreciated.
January 11, 2006 at 1:10 pm
Recovered fossils of a T-Rex from the late Jurassic Period revealed what appears to be the fossilized imprint of shoelaces on the Tyrannosaur’s face. Chuck Norris has declined comment.
January 11, 2006 at 1:11 pm
Santa used to have 19 reindeer and 10 elves that helped him deliver presents on Christmas, until he visited the House of Chuck, whereupon Mr. Norris mistook the occasion as an invasion by the VietCong and resorted to means of extreme prejudice.
January 11, 2006 at 2:00 pm
chuck norris can lick his elbow
January 11, 2006 at 2:07 pm
Chuck Norris was the last character put in Mortal Kombat 3 but was later removed because of a glich where every button was a roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris later replied THERE WAS NO GLICH
January 11, 2006 at 2:09 pm
Mr. T doesn’t pity the fool, but Chuck norris always pities Mr. T
January 11, 2006 at 2:42 pm
Chuck Norris caused the tsunami by stepping on a spider in Australia, not bcz he doesn’t like spiders but bcz he was jealous of the fact they have 4 sets of legs and can deliver quadruple roundhouse kicks.
January 11, 2006 at 2:48 pm
The WMDs are in Chuck Norris’ pants, but Bush is too afraid to go get them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use luggage; he just stuffs his clothes in a crocodile and hurls the crocodile to the city he’s going to visit.
Chuck Norris was the walrus.
January 11, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Chuck Norris knows about this list therefore everyone on this list is being simultaneously roundhoused in the head, because much like god Chuck Norris can be everywhere at once when it comes to roundhouses
January 11, 2006 at 3:10 pm
Chuck Norris uses sheep to wash his car.
Chuck Norris plays boccie ball with the skulls of his enemies.
January 11, 2006 at 3:35 pm
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
January 11, 2006 at 3:38 pm
Scruff McGruff once urged Chuck Norris to “take a bit outta crime.� Chuck Norris promptly decapitated the mutt with his Righteous Beard of Fury.
January 11, 2006 at 4:39 pm
Chuck Norris could find Osama.
January 11, 2006 at 5:24 pm
Chuck Norris is a tripod
January 11, 2006 at 5:38 pm
[...] Chuck responds » to the “Chuck Norris Facts” that have been circulating around the internet [...]
January 11, 2006 at 5:41 pm
Chuck Norris’ mother called him Charles… once.
January 11, 2006 at 7:46 pm
Chuck Norris Drop Kicked a pumpkin on haloween once………..It turned into a jack-o-lantern, than exploded sending pumpkin seed shrapnel into the eyes of children
January 11, 2006 at 7:57 pm
To say that Chuck Norris has fast reflexes would be an understatement to the concept of speed and require a linguist to structure a new term to properly define his speed. Once his reflexes were measured against that of a Cheetah and an Ocelot. Chuck and the cats were locked in a small room. The cats were angered and goaded into attacking Chuck. They had their full complement of claws and Chuck was naked and blindfolded. As hard as the big cats tried they couldn’t get near him. Eventually they tried out and collapsed into a deep slumber. Chuck Norris walked out without a scratch.
January 11, 2006 at 11:56 pm
[...] The Facts About Chuck Norris. I’ve not ready anything funnier in quite a while. Here’s a sample: "Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris." [...]
January 12, 2006 at 6:11 am
How many Chuck Norris’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, Chuck Norris has night vision
January 12, 2006 at 10:04 am
^nice
January 12, 2006 at 10:52 am
Chuck Norris always knows where is Waldo
January 12, 2006 at 11:05 am
The movie Godzilla is roughly based on and occurrence involving Chuck Norris and some bad sushi.
The googolplex, the largest nameable number in known mathematics, is being renamed to the norriplex, as it is the closest measurement capable of conveying the speed of a Norris-roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris was originally cast to play Doc in Back to The Future, but had to be removed after he decapitated 5 sets of Libyans in the opening scene.
Chuck Norris is the only Man alive known to have survived sex with Liza Minelli.
Chuck Norris’ ejaculations are so strong, if he were ever to have sex without a kevlar-coated-condom, it would blow a hole through the back of his partner and destroy whatever building he is in at the time.
The original Superbowl I took place in 1965, involving the Chicago Bears vs. Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and the bowl was hence renamed to Bloodbowl I.
January 12, 2006 at 11:23 am
Chuck was watching tv one day and saw the “Trix are for Kids” commercial, he hated it so much that for the rest of the day he punched every kid in the face he saw and said “Trix are for Chuck Norris!”
January 12, 2006 at 11:31 am
chuck norris is what willis was talking about
January 12, 2006 at 11:38 am
Curiosity did not kill the cat Chuck Norris did.
January 12, 2006 at 11:57 am
If you look for the Chuck Norris entry in any dictionary, you’ll only find a blank page with text that says “Removed for your Safety.”
Chuck Norris has the power of Greyskull.
A Chuck Norris-roundhouse kick is the reason wy Sylvester Stallone and Arnold talk the way they do.
-All mine are 100% Original, biatch.
January 12, 2006 at 12:08 pm
In Muslim countries, full grown men have to walk three steps behind Chuck Norris.
January 12, 2006 at 12:46 pm
chuck norris is the story in balamory
January 12, 2006 at 12:56 pm
Chuck Norris’ favorite comedy, “Faces of Death”
January 12, 2006 at 1:07 pm
I fought with Chuck Norris in 2030. I woke up in 2006 with a cowboy boot stuck in my ass.
January 12, 2006 at 1:49 pm
We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and fear is afraid of Chuck Norris.
January 12, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Chuck Norris knows EXACTLY where Jimmy Hoffa is.
January 12, 2006 at 1:59 pm
The timeless movie classic “Clash of the Titans” is actually based on a 1974 Detroit Bar Fight involving Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, God, and all five members of AC/DC.
January 12, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Chuck Norris can eat pop-rocks while drinking anything Chuck Norris wants to-
Chuck Norris knows the actual value of PI, we were so far off it mad him laugh – just once. A man witnessed this occurrence. That man was Jimmy Hoffa and he has never been seen again.
Chuck Norris is responsible for the disappearance of the Heavens Gate Cult.
The reason Haley’s comet comes around every 76 years is because that is how often Chuck Norris sneaks in a break for sleep.
Women impregnated by Chuck Norris have a gestation of a mere 9 weeks.
Chuck Norris knew Bruce Willis was dead the first time he saw The Sixth Sense.
Chuck Norris can not be linked to Kevin Bacon by Six Degrees of separation. Kevin Bacon is lying, and when Chuck Norris finally gets to the “B”‘s on his list of people to roundhouse kick to death he will certainly pay for this lie.
Chuck Norris is the worlds largest Prime Number.
If Chuck Norris draws “an infinite circle” it remains a circle, not a straight line.
1 + 1 would equal 3 if Chuck Norris wanted it to.
If you do not believe in the overwhelming powers of The Great Chuck Norris, the terrorists do truly win.
Chuck Norris threatened to roundhouse kick to death all of Don Kings boxers and put him out of business, the unrelenting fear of this threat is responsible for his haircut as we know it today.
Chuck Norris was the best thing before sliced bread … and he is indeed the person responsible for its slicing in the first place.
Chuck Norris does not allow solicitors.
January 12, 2006 at 3:30 pm
Chuck Norris refuses to repeatedly click refresh to see if anyone thinks his Blog comments were insightful or humorous.
Chuck Norris seeks not your approval.
January 12, 2006 at 4:08 pm
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ foot. Chuck replied to this with,” Do you know who I am, I’m chuck Norris!” The man’s blindness was instantly cured. But,sadly, the first,last, and only thing the man saw was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.
This one is AWESOME.
January 12, 2006 at 5:01 pm
UFOs do not abduct people because they are doing experiments and whatnot. In reality, they struck a deal with Chuck Norris to do some genetic cleansing for him so he could take more leisure time at his Oklahoma Ranch. What the aliens get in return is the right to live.
January 12, 2006 at 5:06 pm
Chuck Norris had a brief career in the WCW. Today, it’s been out of business for three years due to the death of all members except for Booker T, who was spared to ‘tell the world what happened’.
January 12, 2006 at 5:09 pm
What do you get if you cross Chuck Norris with Jean Claude Van Damme? Chuck Norris and a dead Belgian. No one crosses Chuck Norris!
January 12, 2006 at 5:19 pm
My company has instituted the new Bush federal retirement plan to save money. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks all employees when they turn 65.
January 12, 2006 at 6:08 pm
In the American Revolution, the French didn’t send ships to help the colonists, they sent Chuck Norris, who walked on water straight from Paris to Yorktown and roundhouse kicked Cornwallis in the face.
January 12, 2006 at 6:21 pm
Chuck Norris created the universe in six days, and he did it WITH violence.
Chuck Norris created the universe in six days, and he even had the idea before anyone else. How do you like that, God, and how would you like a roundhouse kick to the face, GOD?
January 12, 2006 at 7:27 pm
Chuck Norris never does drugs… drugs do Chuck Norris.
January 12, 2006 at 7:29 pm
Hero’s are never forgotten, but legends never die… until they meet Chuck Norris.
January 12, 2006 at 8:14 pm
a kid once complained to chuck norris that it was too cold, Chuck Norris then created global warming and roundhouse hicked the kid in the face
January 12, 2006 at 8:15 pm
The creation of the universe happened by When Good Chuck Norris fought with Bad Chuck Norris, They both round house kicked each other declaring the match a draw. So the did the fusion dance and combine in SSJ100 Chuck Norris and made everything alive,We now know him as God.
January 12, 2006 at 8:16 pm
There is no other intelligent life in the universe ‘cuz Chuck norris already visited those planets.
January 12, 2006 at 8:17 pm
The only things Chuck Norris would marry are his muscles. His vows would be to use his ‘spouse’ for the forces of awesome and killing. The people who attend the wedding would explode in sheer shock of the sexy sight of Chuck Norris kissing his muscles. He would roundhouse kick the wedding band’s organ player in the face in celebration, and drag along severed limbs of dead midgets behind his limo instead of the traditional soup cans. He would then kill a crew of over 75 pirates with his beard and roundhouse kicks for his honeymoon, steal the ship, and sail off the conquer Ethiopia twice.
This process can be completed by Chuck Norris in under an hour and twenty minutes.
January 12, 2006 at 9:46 pm
Chuck Norris was the original Kool-aid man because it was simple for him to bust through walls. He was fired though because he kept round-housing the kids who tried to drink his Kool-aid.
January 12, 2006 at 10:11 pm
Chuck Norris beats off with a sledge hammer.
January 12, 2006 at 10:12 pm
Chuck Norris plays Russian Roulette with a clip loading pistol and never loses.
January 12, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice.
January 12, 2006 at 10:58 pm
chuck norris DOES make friends with salad
January 12, 2006 at 11:09 pm
One time while having sex, his partner asked him “how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?” Chuck Norris responded by bellowing “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and he ripped out her throat. While holding her bloody throat in his hand he shouted “DON’T FUCK WITH CHUCK!” 12 years later he realized the irony of this and burst out laughing. His laugh was so loud every living thing’s head on the Earth exploded. Chuck Norris then repeatedly round-housed kicked heaven and hell at the same time untill all humans and animals were back on Earth.
January 12, 2006 at 11:51 pm
round house kicks are what make the world go round
January 13, 2006 at 2:39 am
Chuck Norris flosses with barbed razor wire.
Snickers doesn’t really satisfy… Chuck Norris really satisfies.
January 13, 2006 at 2:47 am
Chuck Norris picks his nose with a meat hook.
What Moses thought was a burning bush was really the reflection of the sun from Chuck Norris’ gleaming, rich beard.
When Chuck Norris makes a stitch in time, he saves ten.
January 13, 2006 at 2:49 am
Chuck Norris walks softly and carries a big kick.
January 13, 2006 at 2:51 am
Chuck Norris created his own style of fighting: Chun Kuk Do.
January 13, 2006 at 5:48 am
Chuck Norris was the first Jedi.
When Chuck Norris is going skiing,avalanches are going uphill.
God didn’t want to destroy Sodoma, but Chuck Norris did.
January 13, 2006 at 7:17 am
The mafia pays Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris doesn’t buy pants, he buys denim colored paint.
If he can’t find denim colored paint, he tightens up his belt till his legs turn blue.
Chuck Norris made the Grand Canyon so that there was a hole big enough for all the bodies.
If you can’t see Chuck Norris, listen for his inner voice, it’s in stereo.
When Chuck Norris gets punched, Chuck Norris says “Chuck Norris don’t punch back, Chuck Norris round-house kicks to the face.”
The pyrimids is where Chuck Norris buried Madonna.
The sphinx once said, “I smell Chuck Norris.” To which Chuck Norris replied, “ROUND-HOUSE KICK to the nose.”
Hollywood didn’t make Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris made Hollywood.
Chuck Norris kicked Clint Eastwood so hard that Clint wandered around Italy for 3 movies without a name.
January 13, 2006 at 7:20 am
WWCD
(what would chuck do)
January 13, 2006 at 8:09 am
The only person to see Chuck Norris approach is Chuck Norris’ reflection.
January 13, 2006 at 8:15 am
Chunk norris stole the cookie form the cookie jar
January 13, 2006 at 9:25 am
King Kong climed the Empire State Building to hide from Chuck Norris.
Nine months after seeing Chuck Norris give the thumbs up in the movie “Dodge Ball”, 327 women gave birth to babies with beards.
Chuck Norris Says: “Tai Chi is for old women & David Carridine.”
January 13, 2006 at 9:48 am
Chuck Norris is pissed we are revealing his secrets, yet wants us to support his literary efforts.
January 13, 2006 at 10:05 am
chuck norris is cool
January 13, 2006 at 10:40 am
The black plague was just a cover up of when Chuck Norric Roundhouse kicked every european he could find.
January 13, 2006 at 10:48 am
OJ was actually inoccent because Chuck norris killed his wife. COD roundhouse related death
January 13, 2006 at 10:50 am
Chuck Norris is the fifth element
January 13, 2006 at 10:58 am
Chuck Norris can get anywhere from here.
January 13, 2006 at 10:59 am
Chuck Norris knows a place like home.
January 13, 2006 at 11:16 am
Chuck Norris has already seen Shrek part 3 and thought it sucked..
Chuck Norris watched The Lord of the Rings Trilogy in 3 minutes..
Chuck Norris doesn’t drive his car, his car drives him..
Chuck Norris likes to get tickled.. so he can kill for a reason..
Chuck Norris went to see King Kong at a theater, but King Kong was to affraid to appear..
January 13, 2006 at 11:27 am
[...] Numerous Chuck Norris facts have been making their rounds on the Internet. Here are a few courtesy Because the World is Round: [...]
January 13, 2006 at 11:55 am
A man once asked Chuck Norris if it was true that he had cheated Death.
Chuck norris merely laughed and said “Fool! I am Death
BC and AD really stand for “Before chuck” and “after dying”
January 13, 2006 at 12:00 pm
I was walking down a hallway a few days back when i saw a small glass window that said
“In Case of Chuck Norris, Break Glass” Just to get a good kick, i broke the glass, and inside was a gun with a note attached. It said “quick! Put yourself out of your misery”
January 13, 2006 at 12:06 pm
Chuck Norris IS the Holy Grail.
The Chinese built the Great China Wall in a vain attempt to keep Chuck Norris out. Unfortunately for the Chinese, Chuck Norris goes wherever Chuck Norris wants to.
January 13, 2006 at 12:10 pm
Rome might not have been built in a day, but Chuck Norris knocked it all down in nine minutes.
Stonehenge is Chuck Norris’ dominoe set.
January 13, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Chuck Norris can get the oreo middle without having to twist them apart.
January 13, 2006 at 12:16 pm
Braveheart changed his name to Ronald McDonald after catching a glimpse of Chuck Norris’ profile on a busy street.
January 13, 2006 at 12:19 pm
Chuck Norris doen’t ask for fries with that, fries ask for Chuck Norris.
January 13, 2006 at 1:10 pm
Chuck Norris has seen the end of the rainbow
January 13, 2006 at 1:11 pm
You guys need to check this site out, got over 100 new Chuck Norris jokes / facts on it:
http://www.thechucknorrisfacts.com/
January 13, 2006 at 1:11 pm
when Tony Montano from Scarface said “say hello to my little friend”, he meant Chuck Norris
January 13, 2006 at 1:14 pm
When playing poker with Chuck Norris, if you have a Royal Flush & Chuck Norris has a pair of twos, Chuck Norris wins.
In rock, paper, scissors, a Chuck Norris Round-House Kick to the Face beats them all.
If you have $100 and Chuck Norris has .50 cents, Chuck Norris really has $100.50.
January 13, 2006 at 1:20 pm
Chuck Norris can make wine by simply squeezing grapes in his ascheeks
January 13, 2006 at 1:26 pm
The bottom of Chuck Norris’ boots say: “If you can read this, you’ve just been Round-House Kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.”
January 13, 2006 at 1:48 pm
Chuck Norris did NOT vote for Pedro, he abstains. Always.
Four out of five dentists recommend the use of Chuck Norris to fight of tooth decay and the germs that cause gum disease. The dissenting fifth dentist … well you know the story.
Chuck Norris already removed the previous post containing profanity … Chuck Norris is all about the children.
Chuck Norris taught Crocodile Dundee the “hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” water buffalo trick in Walkabout Creek. He also always makes Donk spill his beer with a vicious roundhouse kick to the gut.
Chuck Norris is solely responsible for putting candy in piñatas.
When the kung fu master asked Chuck Norris to “Quickly as you can snatch the pebble from my handle” Chuck Norris smirked and the pebble was already in his mouth. He replied “Master huh?” and delivered a series of deadly roundhouse kicks to the face.
Chuck Norris is the true color of money.
Chuck Norris can spay dogs by staring at them.
Kurt Cobain killed himself out of the despair we all encounter at that fateful moment … when we realize we will never be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has repeatedly snuck up on and successfully “butterdupped” Osama Bin laden. When asked why he hadn’t taken the opportunities to kill him. He “butterdupped” the reporter and said, “That’s why”
Chuck Norris actually pissed on The Dudes rug, not the Chinaman. He also refuses to call him the “Dude�.
January 13, 2006 at 1:50 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t pay for prostitutes, prostitutes pay Chuck Norris
January 13, 2006 at 1:51 pm
No one has ever dared to tell Chuck Norris the phrase is actually buttercupped, not butterdupped.
January 13, 2006 at 2:01 pm
If you ask Chuck Norris if he needs help, he takes it as an insult and roundhouse kicks you to the face.
January 13, 2006 at 2:22 pm
The original nintendo game “Contra” featured Chuck’s character from the same movie. Unfortunately, the game had to be reprogrammed because gameplay lasted only five minutes, after which every character in the game either died or became pregnant.
Chuck norris’ sweat is the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world. The last man who wore it died after being molested by a group of women, cattle, and housecats.
Chuck Norris can spell his name in the snow…without removing his pants.
January 13, 2006 at 2:33 pm
The word Chuckaphobia is the scientific term for an irrational fear of Chuck Norris. Every person on earth suffers from Chuckaphobia, whether they know it or not.
January 13, 2006 at 2:49 pm
The killer doll in Child’s Play is called Chuckie for a reason.
January 13, 2006 at 3:41 pm
Chuck Norris can cure constipation.
He’ll kick the crap out of you.
lol
January 13, 2006 at 3:44 pm
It is rumored that they executed the wrong guy for the Oklahoma City Bombing, Infact upon further investigation they discovered that Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked the building after the feds told him that he would not be able to register his beard as a lethal weapon.
January 13, 2006 at 3:46 pm
Someone once told Chuck Norris that a roundhouse kick is not the best kick. This has been noted in history as the worst mistake ever made.
January 13, 2006 at 3:47 pm
[...] Have you seen the latest meme floating around the 'Net, the facts about Chuck Norris? Some are downright hilarious, including: 4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. 20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. [...]
January 13, 2006 at 3:55 pm
Chuck Norris once bought a car, he then sold it, when asked why he stated ” I have decided to roundhouse myself where I need to go, something like a helicopter if you will” he then gave the guy a roundhouse to the face because he asked chuck norris a question
January 13, 2006 at 3:56 pm
Some More Chuck Facts:
Chuck’s parents wish that birth control could be made retroactive
Chuck Norris was so tough in school, he made his teacher stay after school
Chuck has no respect for any age, unless it’s bottled
Chuck has never told his children that other familes eat thre meals a day
Chuck once had a fight with a woman, and he would have won if she hadn’t struck back with her crutches….wait….he killed her with one swift roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris never hits a man when he’s down…..he kicks him
Before firing the whole crew on Walker Texas Ranger, he gave them all a raise, so they’d be losing a better job
One night Chuck thought he was dead…..the heat woke him up
January 13, 2006 at 3:59 pm
Chuck Norris can turn off the light and be in bed before the room gets dark. Darkness knows Chuck and darkness is afraid.
January 13, 2006 at 4:06 pm
“Chuck Norris Sucks” …. That is what somebody once said, he was never seen nor heard from again, when the funeral was held, no one came for fear of Chuck Norris wanting to take out the blood of the dumbest guy ever
January 13, 2006 at 5:23 pm
[...] Комментариев нетRSS лента комментариев Ñ?той запиÑ?и. TrackBack URI.Перевод Ñ?троки автоматичеÑ?кий, адреÑ? e-mail никогда непоказываетÑ?Ñ?, иÑ?пользование HTML допуÑ?тимо: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong> Ð?ик (обÑ?зательно)E-Mail (обÑ?зательно) URIКомментарий [...]
January 13, 2006 at 5:29 pm
Rome WAS built in a day….by Chuck Norris.
January 13, 2006 at 5:31 pm
Chuck Norris sweats Gatorade.
Chuck Norris once inhaled a live seagull.
Chuck Norris punched a hole through a cow to see who was coming up the road.
January 13, 2006 at 5:41 pm
Chuck Norris once breastfed a wounded and sick animal back to health.
January 13, 2006 at 6:02 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t speak English. English speaks Chuck Norris.
January 13, 2006 at 6:28 pm
Chuck Morris is his own father
January 13, 2006 at 6:39 pm
Chuck Norris CAN digest corn.
January 13, 2006 at 7:07 pm
Hahahaha love them all….
There is no proof of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has alowed to live.
January 13, 2006 at 7:11 pm
Forgot this one…..Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because he’s afraid of the dark, the dark is affrid of Chuck Norris.
January 13, 2006 at 8:37 pm
I guess I have to admit these “facts” won’t really hurt Chuck-;- but I wish more of them would actually be funny instead of gargantuan exaggerations and stupid stuff. Can’t you be a little more witty ?
January 13, 2006 at 8:51 pm
Chuck Norris does not throw punches, he throws TKO’s.
January 13, 2006 at 8:56 pm
Dinosaurs did not become extinct from a meteor, Chuck Norris round-house kicked them all.
January 13, 2006 at 9:29 pm
Chuck Norris’ day is 25 hours long. He uses the extra hour to kill 20 ninjas.
January 13, 2006 at 10:13 pm
Chuck norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling “bang!”
January 14, 2006 at 2:39 am
Arnie will be back when Chuck Norris lets him
When Chuck Norris was growing up, he didn’t have to be home by dark. Dark had to wait for him to get home.
Chuck Norris’ mum wears army boots
January 14, 2006 at 5:16 am
Fire does’t burn Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris burns fire.
Chuck Norris does’t drown in water, water drowns in chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris painted the Mona Lisa by looking at a torn piece of paper.
Chuck Norris does not have sex, sex has Chuck Norris.
Whats really inside ‘area 51?’ Chuck Norris perfecteing his roundhouse.
Theres no such thing as shooting stars, just people that Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked.
Chuck Norris has had 3 children – God, Goku and Bruce Lee. He concieved and gave birth to all 3 by his self because he is the only one worthy of having sex with Chuck Norris.
January 14, 2006 at 5:33 am
When it rains, there is a dry patch where Chuck Norris has walked.
The sun sets when Chuck Norris tells it to.
The Earth does’nt orbit around the sun, the sun orbits Chuck Norris.
The man in the moon is really Chuck Norris.
God rules heaven, the devil rules hell and Chuck Norris rules Earth and everything above and below.
Theres no negative to Chuck Norris’s positive.
The only thing better than chuck taylors is Chuck Norris’s.
January 14, 2006 at 7:12 am
every time chuck norris looks into a mirror his heart swells to 4.7231 times its normal size, but when he leaves the mirror his heart breaks. it is now thought that he carries a mirror with him every where he goes
January 14, 2006 at 7:13 am
chuch norris’s tongue is forked like a snakes
January 14, 2006 at 7:38 am
there is a reason why mules are infertile, chuck norris roundhouse kicks them in the genitles when they are born. he doesnt believe in cross breeding or the look in their eyes
January 14, 2006 at 7:39 am
the devil doesnt fool with the best layed plan, chuck does
January 14, 2006 at 7:41 am
chuck doesnt need to lift his a arm to drink his beer, he uses his mind power and the can raises to his mouth
January 14, 2006 at 7:43 am
nails are as hard as chuck norris
January 14, 2006 at 7:58 am
Chuck Norris can catch roadrunner.
January 14, 2006 at 8:06 am
George Lucas got the idea for “Star Wars” by hearing Chuck Norris talk in his sleep.
January 14, 2006 at 8:56 am
Chuck Norris went snipe hunting and caught one.
January 14, 2006 at 8:57 am
Chuck Norris caught a cold once. The cold still has nightmares about the experience.
January 14, 2006 at 10:01 am
In a rooftop showdown, The Joker asked Chuck Norris if he’d “Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?” Chuck simply replied “Yes” and roundhouse kicked the smile off Joker’s face.
January 14, 2006 at 10:23 am
Chuck Norris is more than a Warrior. He is a God Warrior! He is the best in the execution of every discipline of warfare and Martial Arts in the history of Mankind. He holds all world championships in every Martial Art at the same time! The Japanese have elevated him beyond a Ninja to a new order created only for him called Tunija. The term has no English translation except maybe “God Warrior from Outer Space�.
The Pentagon recognizes the stopping power of Chuck Norris and has declared Chuck Norris the 8th standing Army of the U.S.
Chuck Norris’s fart gas has is so lethal that when he dutch ovened his wife it turned her into ashes.
The recent Tsunami in the Indian Ocean was in fact caused by Chuck Norris while he was scuba diving off the cost of Thailand. He saw a shark coming up behind him and threw a roundhouse kick the disintegrated the shark and hit a nearby rock formation. The rest is history.
January 14, 2006 at 10:25 am
nobody knows what the meaning of life is!not even chuck norris! but we all know what the meaning of deathis = chuck norris
January 14, 2006 at 12:27 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t need food, Chuck Norris lives off of adrenaline and intensity.
January 14, 2006 at 12:32 pm
Chuck Norris bowled a perfect without ever using a bowling ball.
January 14, 2006 at 12:35 pm
Life is a game of hide ‘n’ go seek. Chuck Norris is it, the rest of us hide for our lives.
January 14, 2006 at 12:39 pm
There are two types of people is this world, those that Chuck Norris allows to live and those that get Round-House Kicked to the Face.
January 14, 2006 at 12:44 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t go fishing, fish grow legs, walk to Chuck Norris’ house, commit Hari Kari, throw themselves on Chuck Norris’ B-B-Q, and serve themselves up on a platter with a little bit of lemon.
January 14, 2006 at 12:46 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a cheese grater, Chuck Norris just rubs a brick of cheese across his beard.
January 14, 2006 at 12:55 pm
Opportunity knocks, Chuck Norris kicks down your door and throws you through a window.
January 14, 2006 at 1:51 pm
omg this sh** is so funny….i wish averyone would quit the bit***** about it though if u don’t like it don’t read it!!!!! No one forced u to come to this web site unless chuck………
January 14, 2006 at 1:59 pm
Chuck Norris has been known to hunt down those who use his name without permission, and roundhouse kick them in the face 27 times, killing them, resurrecting them (yes, chuck norris knows the secret to resurrection, how do you think Jesus learned?) and roundhouse kicking them a further 38 times. this will happen to you kwi for using his name in the most retarded comment possible.. especially for using that comment on the mark of Chuck Norris, 666 (the devil uses it because it makes him look good)
January 14, 2006 at 2:09 pm
Smokey the Bear says: “Only you can prevent forest fires, but NOBODY can prevent a Chuck Norris Round-House Kick to the Face.”
January 14, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Chuck Norris dsnt fly by plane, he simply beats up super man till he gives him a lift
January 14, 2006 at 3:09 pm
i hope chuck norris fi9nds this site, roundhouse kicks u all, but thn u can say uv met him
January 14, 2006 at 6:15 pm
the world is round cuz chuck norris said so
January 14, 2006 at 7:33 pm
Chuck Norris can eat a lot of pizza in one sitting without getting sick.
January 14, 2006 at 7:33 pm
Chuck Norris takes a bath to wash dirt off his body.
January 14, 2006 at 7:34 pm
Chuck Norris can read hieroglyphics and understand their meanings.
January 14, 2006 at 7:36 pm
Chuck Norris needs a lot of sticky notes because he has a poor memory.
January 14, 2006 at 7:37 pm
Chuck Norris climbs trees to show off to the natives.
January 14, 2006 at 7:38 pm
Chuck Norris is afraid of flamethrowers because it is human instinct.
January 14, 2006 at 7:40 pm
Chuck Norris secretly enjoys silly balloon hats at Chili’s.
January 14, 2006 at 8:15 pm
God made the world in seven days ,Chuck Norris round house kicked God for taking too long.
January 14, 2006 at 8:16 pm
G.I. Joe? Chuck Norris is the REAL American Hero.
January 14, 2006 at 8:19 pm
When playing chess, the Kasparov Defense is no match for the Chuck Norris Round-House Kick to the Face offense.
January 14, 2006 at 8:31 pm
And that’s the bottom line ‘cuz Chuck Norris said Stone Cold could say so.
January 14, 2006 at 8:59 pm
When Chuck Norris eats at Chinese restaurant, he doesn’t order Kung Pao chicken, Chuck Norris orders chicken KUNG-POW!
January 14, 2006 at 9:22 pm
a blind homeless man once approached chuck norris and asked for spare change. the sound of chucks voice cured him of his blindness, and for the first time in his life, he could see. Unfortunately for him, he opened his eyes just in time to see the first, and last, thing he would ever see; a roundhouse kick to the face.
January 14, 2006 at 10:19 pm
TICKED, you need to realise that by revealing the strange and wonderful world of Chuck Norris, we ARE offering him our deepest respect and so on a so forth.
If you’re Chuck Norris, then sorry and please don’t eat my babies.
January 15, 2006 at 12:19 am
If Batman and Darth Vader got in a fight, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
January 15, 2006 at 5:59 am
Chuck Norris, nature’s only source for vitamin RHKttF.
January 15, 2006 at 7:03 am
every super hero has a weakness, chuck norris’s is penguins! You don’t believe me? have you ever seen chuck norris at the south pole?
January 15, 2006 at 7:05 am
Chuck Norris has a third nipple but its not on his chest, its on his left bumcheek
January 15, 2006 at 7:07 am
i banged chuck norris up his bum and he loved it! he keeps phoning me to meet up with him again, so i told him to shut up and leave me alone or i would round house kick him to the face
January 15, 2006 at 7:10 am
The comment above is how i know charles has got a third nipple, i couldnt contain myself so i twisted it hahahaha
January 15, 2006 at 2:22 pm
And now we have chuck norris in a flash anime!!
http://www.binarymoon.co.uk/2005/12/chuck-norris-the-facts/
January 15, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Sorry the link is here
http://kreaper.blogsome.com/2006/01/15/chuck-norris/
January 15, 2006 at 4:17 pm
chuck norris actually died 5 years ago, the grim reaper is still trying to work up enough courage to tell him
January 15, 2006 at 4:40 pm
In his free time Chuck Norris helps NASA save money by roundhouse kicking space shuttles into orbit.
January 15, 2006 at 5:16 pm
Chuck Norris didn’t invent knives to cut things, He invented them because he wanted his enemies to think they had a chance.
January 15, 2006 at 7:25 pm
While walking in the woods , a drop of sweat landed on a chicken from Chuck Norris’s forehead. This resulted in the death of millions of birds and 20 people up until now. Scientists are trying to extract a sullotion from Chuck Norris’s sweat to make an antidote for birdflu.
January 15, 2006 at 9:01 pm
When Chuck Norris was delivered he roundhouse kicked the doctor in the face. No one delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris is late, time had better slow the fuck down.
January 15, 2006 at 9:04 pm
chuck norris once asked yoda to come to the dark side of the force when yoda refused he got a round house kick to the face
and thats what really happened
January 15, 2006 at 9:08 pm
dispite popular belif it wasn’t a meteor that ended the lives of all the dinisours it was just what chuck norris likes to call: “sharpening my skills”
January 15, 2006 at 9:09 pm
the goverment doesnt make chuck norris pay tax, they pay him tax’s, in return for chuck norris not round house kicking them in the face.
January 15, 2006 at 9:10 pm
chuck norris once took a piss in the desert… now its known as the grand canyon
January 16, 2006 at 1:36 am
Chuck Norris simply walks into Mordor.
January 16, 2006 at 2:25 am
The Titanic didn’t hit an Iceberg, It hit Chuck Norris’s Beard
January 16, 2006 at 2:26 am
Chuck Norris does 1,000,001 push ups a second… While he is asleep.
January 16, 2006 at 2:45 am
SOME OF MY OWN… TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK…
Chuck Norris is the first and only man to ever carry the olympic torch… The rest are just phonies.
Chuck Norris was the only surrvivor of the spaceshuttle: Challenger. In Space he Roundhouse Kicked the shit out of the center of the milky way creating the first black hole… He did this all in shorts and a tanktop.
Chuck Norris was the 10th member of the Brady Bunch.
13 donuts is called a Chuck Norris Dozen
Chuck Norris says that aint IS a word
The Book 1984 is an allegory for Chuck Norris’s Beard
If Chuck Norris had a dollar for every person he had roundhouse kicked, His money stacked on end would reach God 8.9 septillion times.
Chuck Norris Sunk atlantis.
Shakespeare was Chuck Norris’s Pen name
Judas didn’t betray Jesus. Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him in the face for failing to invite Chuck to the last supper.
Chuck Norris has seen Every movie ever made. His favorite is land before time.
Only Chuck Norris can prevent Forest Fires.
Chuck Norris’s vote counts tripple, often deciding the presidency.
The Statue of Liberty is made in the likeness of Chuck Norris
Martin Luther King stole the I have a dream speech from Chuck Norris… Chuck found out and the rest is history.
January 16, 2006 at 5:56 am
A scientist once wanted to measure the power of Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick. He became known as the first man to visit Alpha Centauri.
January 16, 2006 at 7:59 am
The atom split because Chuck Norris told it to.
January 16, 2006 at 9:51 am
[...] Provided that you’re a partially educated human being, you should be able to tell from my header that I’m a fan of Chuck Norris (along with Charlton Heston, the Pope and George W. Bush). That’s why I thought this list was the funniest thing ever. Here’s a sample: 1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. [...]
January 16, 2006 at 3:31 pm
One time Chuck Norris once farted while on the set of Side Kicks, but the state of California thought it was an earthquake which registered a 10 on the richter scale
January 16, 2006 at 3:38 pm
Grigori Rasputin was poisoned, shot, clubbed, and tied to a chair and thrown into a icy river to die, but what really killed Rasputin was one glance at Chucks magnificent beard.
January 16, 2006 at 7:08 pm
Chuck Norris can jump this far
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With his arms and legs tied behind his back.
January 16, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Dinosaurs once roamed this earth before Chuck Norris decided he needed to practice his round house kick.
January 16, 2006 at 8:07 pm
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
January 16, 2006 at 8:18 pm
Chuck norris once swollowed a 5$ bill and pooped out 35$ in change
January 16, 2006 at 8:20 pm
Chuck Norris Had to enter the olympics as his own country and won platnum in every event
January 16, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Once Chuck Norris microwaved a bareato so hot that not even himself could eat it…..but he did anyway
January 16, 2006 at 8:33 pm
Chuck Norris dosent cry, He works out…
January 16, 2006 at 8:43 pm
Chuck Norris can do chin-ups with his eye-brows
January 16, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Chuck Norris once did a hand stand and claimed he was lifting the world
January 16, 2006 at 8:53 pm
Chuck Norris can draw a triangle with only two strait lines
January 16, 2006 at 8:56 pm
Chuck Norris’s Favorite disney movie is Monsters Inc.
January 16, 2006 at 9:00 pm
In France, Chuck Norris is reffered to as Le Chuck Norris
January 17, 2006 at 1:38 am
God said unto Noah, build an ark and gather two of evey creature upon it. Noah laughed and said “That’s impossible. There’s only one Chuck Norris.”
January 17, 2006 at 7:14 am
Chuck Norris met Billy Banks on a karate tournament. Chuck Norris said “There can be only one” and round housed kick Billy Banks in the face.
Since than Billy Banks started making Tae Bo video’s voor old and fat people and himself.
January 17, 2006 at 8:45 am
Not so long ago Chuck Norris saw Missy Elliot and round house kicked her in the belly. From that time on she staid off the cookies.
January 17, 2006 at 10:12 am
Ticked,
I’ve been deleting your comments. As I’ve been deleting those comments left by others who are using this as a forum for bickering or ignorance. Your opinion about Chuck Norris is valid. However, the posts here are not intended to defame him. He just happens to be the source of a pop-culture phenomenon currently taking place. So please, do not continue to post your feelings about others leaving comments. It’s true, many of the comments here lack creativity, but many of them are outright hilarious. But seldom are any of them intended to outright insult Chuck Norris. If they are, I delete them. As it is, there are over 700 comments connected to this post. I’ve probably deleted an additional 100-200 comments that were either insulting, crass, bickering, or just outright rude. As owner and proprietor of this blog, I reserve the right to continue to do so.
So, Ticked, I’m sorry for censoring what you have to say, but I will continue to do so, unless you join in the spirit of this post.
Thanks for understanding.
Mike
Because the World Is Round
January 17, 2006 at 10:41 am
Chuck Norris says that there is a stairway to heaven
January 17, 2006 at 11:36 am
All of the DNA of all of the living creatures on earth can be traced back to Chuck Norris
January 17, 2006 at 11:38 am
When Chuck Norris says “Jump” its too late. Hes already roundhouse kicked you to death.
January 17, 2006 at 11:58 am
For Chuck loved the world so much, He gave His roundhouse, so that everyone
who believes in Him should not have destruction but eternal life…nevermind, it is destruction.
January 17, 2006 at 12:00 pm
Chuck Norris can empregnate a man
January 17, 2006 at 12:03 pm
Soylent Green is people…but Chuck doesn’t care
January 17, 2006 at 12:06 pm
Chuck Norris is the next American Idol.
When he was told he sucked he round housed Simon and Paula in the face
January 17, 2006 at 12:06 pm
Chuck Norris plays golf by round house kicking the ball….
He can also get a hole in one on all 18 holes with one ball and one kick
January 17, 2006 at 12:08 pm
Canada isn’t going to win gold in hockey in the next olympics. Chuck Norris is.
January 17, 2006 at 12:08 pm
Chuck Norris invented guns so he could have some competition
January 17, 2006 at 12:10 pm
Janet Jackson didn’t have a clothing malfunction. Chuck Norris roundhoused it off.
January 17, 2006 at 12:11 pm
The bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were actually full of Chuck Norris’ sweat
January 17, 2006 at 12:14 pm
chuck norris’ shadow once roundhouse kicked a donkey in the face
January 17, 2006 at 12:25 pm
chuck norris knows when you are sleeping, he knows when your awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good or he will roundhouse kick you in the face!!
January 17, 2006 at 1:08 pm
‘Titanic’s’ creator saids that even God can’t destroy their ship. Too bad they forgot about Chuck Norris. Unfortunatelly, he didn’t forget about them.
January 17, 2006 at 1:11 pm
Chuck Norris can stare at a cow and make it into a steak
January 17, 2006 at 1:21 pm
In 1992 Chuck Norris received the Nobel Prize for Badassedness. Later that day all of the lesbians on earth became pregnant.
January 17, 2006 at 1:31 pm
When Chuck Norris flexes his muscles, everyone within a 3 mile radius shits their pants.
January 17, 2006 at 1:38 pm
Chuck Norris can stare at a steak and make it into a cow.
Ha!
January 17, 2006 at 1:40 pm
NICE!!
January 17, 2006 at 1:48 pm
When Chuck Norris says he is “Sorry”, its not for what he has done, but for what he is about to do.
January 17, 2006 at 2:07 pm
The ninth circle of hell is known by theologins as, Chuck Norris.
January 17, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Chuck Norrris once rode a bull for 6 hours. He then ate it raw.
January 17, 2006 at 4:10 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t feel pain. Pain feels Chuck Norris.
January 17, 2006 at 4:50 pm
Chuck Norris was born a 40-year old man with cowboy boots
January 17, 2006 at 4:52 pm
Chuck Norris is a Doctor. He Got is degree from P.A.I.N University!
January 17, 2006 at 4:52 pm
Its a scientific fact that when Cuck Norris walks he doesnt accually move, the world moves around him.
January 17, 2006 at 4:53 pm
Chuck Norris can turn sprite into Dr,Pepper
January 17, 2006 at 4:56 pm
Underneath his helmet, Master Cheif is accually Chuck Norris
January 17, 2006 at 5:04 pm
Garlic can kill vampires, Silver bullets are the only thing that can kill Werewolfs, And the only thing that can kill a Ninja is Chuck Norris
January 17, 2006 at 5:06 pm
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a hole into a cow, just to see what was coming down the rode.
January 17, 2006 at 5:22 pm
It is commonly believed that the planets rotate around the sun, However New scientific evidance suggests that Chuck Norris is the center of the universe!!
January 17, 2006 at 5:23 pm
before going to bed at night the boogey man checks his closet for chuck norris
January 17, 2006 at 5:42 pm
Chuck Norris invented parking tickets to distract people for a couple seconds while he roundhouse kicked them in the face.
January 17, 2006 at 6:09 pm
Chuck norris Killed Kenny. that bastard.
January 17, 2006 at 6:57 pm
Only Chuck Norris knows when a tree has fallin in the woods and no ones there…..and he wont tell
January 17, 2006 at 7:18 pm
When the lord said “Thou shall not take my name in vain” … he was talking about chuck norris
January 17, 2006 at 7:24 pm
Chuck norris does not need oxygen, oxygen needs chuck norris
January 17, 2006 at 7:53 pm
Chuck Norris invented the game of football and banned roundhouse kicking because he felt he’d have a distinct advantage over the competition.
January 17, 2006 at 9:00 pm
Rosa Parks gave her seat up to Chuck Norris.
and
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
January 17, 2006 at 9:07 pm
If you look closely, you can see Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking Judas in the background of The Last Supper.
January 17, 2006 at 10:30 pm
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.”
January 17, 2006 at 11:53 pm
Hurricane Katrina – now has been scientificly proven to be Chuck Norris spinning during one of his round-house kicks.
January 17, 2006 at 11:58 pm
To MIKE :
Thank you for at least explaining things Mike. You could have left me a note of forwarning though, instead of just delete me.
When it comes to this site and Chuck N. “facts”,I really do understand what it is and know it’s in the spirit of amusement , but I wonder: do you get MY point ?
All I want is to see Chuck Norris not be made into a laughing stock.
Like I said before: if there’s someone here who does’nt really know who Chuck Norris is, or know who he is, but nothing ,or little more , I’d recommend those people to find out something about the real man. Reading his book is a good place to start . I’m NOT plugging his book, by the way, so don’t even think it. It’s just that they’d be doing themselves a big favor –, and Chuck too. Have YOU read his book ?
Well don’t fret, this is the last of this type of post I will do , and please think twice before you zap a Chuck Norris first class fan.
You must be an interesting person yourself to found a site and call it “Because the World is Round” . When the party’s over, may I inspire you to perhaps write a list of serious Chuck Norris facts ? Just an idea–a good one, I think.
If you do decide to “zap” this would you please leave me a few words in response?
Thank you , Dee (ticked)
January 18, 2006 at 6:33 am
A dingo didn’t eat your baby, Chuck Norris did.
January 18, 2006 at 9:59 am
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
January 18, 2006 at 10:19 am
One day Chuck Norris went up to a supermarket cashier and stared at him. The cashier said, “Can I help you, sir?” Chuck said, “Okay.” And ripped the man’s spine from his body. The moral of the story is: Don’t question the Chuck Norris.
January 18, 2006 at 11:04 am
Only Chuck Norris knows when the end of time will be. It is said to be once he delivers a round house kick to the face of every human being on earth.
January 18, 2006 at 1:17 pm
Chuck Norris fought the law. and won
January 18, 2006 at 1:40 pm
Chuck’s intense drive and determination extended beyond his martial arts and acting career. He became an offshore powerboat racer with speeds of 140 miles per hour. In 1991, Chuck with his team and sponsor “Popeye Chicken” won the World Off Shore Powerboat championships. Ya thats a real fact!
January 18, 2006 at 1:46 pm
uma thurman didnt kill bill, chuck did
January 18, 2006 at 1:53 pm
chuck norris can eat only one lays chip, and walk away
January 18, 2006 at 2:55 pm
There were origonally 20 commandments until Chuck Norris Roundhoused the other 10
January 18, 2006 at 2:57 pm
Chuck Norris uses Tabasco sauce for eye drops!!!
January 18, 2006 at 3:43 pm
The state of Texas recently added “Death by Chuck Norris” as a choice for the death penalty
January 18, 2006 at 3:46 pm
While reading through the phone book one day, Chuck Norris actually came across a person named “Nuck Chorris”. This infuriated Chuck. Nuck is now dead, and his name has been removed from all phone books.
January 18, 2006 at 4:25 pm
[...] In an attempt to explain all these amazing facts to a coworker the other day, I searched around the internet to find some fodder. In addition to several fact websites (some are crude and distasteful), I was surprised to find a Washington Post article about this curiosity. Also, I read this pretty funny short from McSweeney’s, where the author Bryan Bieber retells his relationship with his first girlfiend by replacing her person with Chuck Norris. So everything she says and does, he imagines what Chuck Norris would say and do. It’s pretty funny. [...]
January 18, 2006 at 7:05 pm
The Internet was invented by Chuck Norris so that he could deliver roundhouse kicks worldwide from the comfort of his own home.
January 18, 2006 at 7:20 pm
Scientists have measured the power generated by Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick. It is 1.21 Gigawatz.
January 18, 2006 at 7:23 pm
Chuck Norris was Pope….TWICE!
January 18, 2006 at 7:24 pm
THE ORIGINALS, I THINK
-The muppets were real people until they met Chuck Norris
-Chuck Norris’ favorite color is pain
-If Chuck Norris filmed a porno it would involve himself, his beard, and several dead Asians
-The only person to ever survive a direct roundhouse kick form Chuck Norris, is Chuck Norris
-Chuck Norris kicked the black out of Tiger Woods
ONES I’VE HEARD
-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris’ penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of time is mearly a byproduct of Norris’ colossal erections. This is known as the “Chuck Norris’ big cock theory of space-time”.
-Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
-Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
-Chuck Norris could have any woman he wants, but he has never had sex. He only masturbates because the only person good enough to have sex with Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
-As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
-A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
-If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
-To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
-They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
-Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
-Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
-Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
-At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
-Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
-Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
January 18, 2006 at 7:52 pm
Chuck Norris loves you. Chuck Norris isnt IN love with you.
January 18, 2006 at 8:13 pm
who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris or God? That’s a trick question, Chuck Norris is God
January 18, 2006 at 9:46 pm
In the tomb of the unknown soldier is Chuck Norris,however he reincarnated after his death and was able to bless us with Walker,Texas Ranger.
January 18, 2006 at 9:49 pm
chuck norris was once asked to play a game of 52 card pickup by a group of card sharks, all 10 of them were killed by a singke round house kick before the first card hit the ground.
January 18, 2006 at 9:59 pm
Ever wonder why dodo birds are extinct? Well, let’s just say that a dodo bird is very susceptible to roundhouse kicks in the face.
January 18, 2006 at 10:08 pm
chuck norris once kicked a man so hard that his foot broke the speed of sound, the resulting sonic boom is now hypothesized to have created the indian ocean tsunami in december of 2004
January 18, 2006 at 10:19 pm
noone can brag about being chuck norris’s father, for chuck norris is everyone’s father
January 18, 2006 at 10:23 pm
steve jobs didn’t invest al of his money in apple, chuck norris invested all of steve jobs’s money in apple
January 18, 2006 at 10:39 pm
Chuck Norris once won a lottery jackpot in excess of 120 million dollars, he spent the entire sum on “Walker Texas Ranger THE MOVIE” because it was his own money he chose not to release it. He keeps the only copy in his den and shows it to women when hes not in the mood for foreplay.
January 18, 2006 at 10:45 pm
Chuck Norris can eat a two-bite brownie in zero bites.
January 18, 2006 at 11:40 pm
Chuck Norris once took the pepsi challenge…he won.
January 18, 2006 at 11:42 pm
Old Yeller wasn’t shot at the end of the movie…he was roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris
January 18, 2006 at 11:56 pm
If you can dode a wrench you can dodge a ball but No One dodges a Roundhouse Kick to the face delivered by Chuuck Norris
January 19, 2006 at 12:02 am
Chuck Norris uses Krazy Glue for tooth-paste
January 19, 2006 at 12:13 am
George Bush din’t win the popular vote but he won Chuck Norris’ vote and thats all that counts
January 19, 2006 at 12:15 am
Bill Clinton didn’t have sexual relations with that woman but Chuck Norris Did
January 19, 2006 at 12:59 am
The crop circles weren’t from the aliens. It was Chuck Norris telling people that sometimes corn just needs to lay the fuck down!
January 19, 2006 at 7:20 am
omg i love the one where it say he punched his way out! my friends and i laughed so hard!!
January 19, 2006 at 8:10 am
chuck norris doesn’t walk on water, the water kisses his feet
January 19, 2006 at 8:58 am
Chuck Norris is his own grandpa
January 19, 2006 at 9:28 am
I bet you can’t read just one Chuck Norris fact. Chuck Norris can tho.
January 19, 2006 at 11:01 am
Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! No! It’s a plane! NO!!!! It’s the eyes of the ranger
January 19, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Chuck Norris breathes fire and shits lightening
January 19, 2006 at 12:13 pm
Chuck Norris once had a child and that child’s name was herculese
January 19, 2006 at 12:15 pm
They are adding a new year to the chinese calendar it is called the year of the Chuck Norris. All children born in this year will be rich and extremely powerful, but not as rich or powerful as Chuck Norris.
January 19, 2006 at 12:21 pm
Chuck Norris is the “Time” magazine man of the year every year.
January 19, 2006 at 1:28 pm
Chuck Norris is always watching! If your asking your self “what is he watching” then it’s to late for you I’m sorry
may you rest in peace your ashes shall be scattered across the ocean and your name forgotten.
January 19, 2006 at 2:18 pm
Lee Harvey OswaldJohn Wilkes Boothe edited by Mike didn’t kill Lincoln, Chuck Norris went back in time and roundhouse kicked him in the face for copying his beard.Osama Bin Laden isn’t public enemy number one, it’s Chuck Norris’ right foot. Chuck’s left foot is a close second, followed by every other part of his body, and then Osama. Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked me in the face for daring to refer to him on a first name basis.
Chuck Norris was asked to head the UN, because he has the power to end all violence by going to sleep. He responded by roundhouse kicking Kofi Anan in the face and saying, “I never sleep.”
Rather than ask permission or beg forgiveness, it’s better if you just don’t piss Chuck Norris off.
Rather than wash his clothes, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the dirt out of them.
Chuck Norris used to be the 8th wonder of the world, until he roundhouse kicked the Pyramid of Giza and the Lighthouse of Alexandria, and they renamed him First.
Chuck Norris writes a line of self help books. Titles include, “101 Ways for Teens to Not Get Roundhouse Kicked in the Face” and “Roundhouse Kicking Your Way to Success.”
Every time one of his children has a birthday, Chuck Norris hires a clown. He then roundhouse kicks the clown in the face to teach the children not to make fun of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was the inspiration for the hit TV show, “Arrested Developement.” It was originally to be called, “Arrested for Roundhouse Kicking People in the Face.” The title and plot was changed after Chuck Norris reminded the producers that he only roundhouse kicks for justice.
You can run, and you can hide, but you can’t survive a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
“Walker Texas Ranger” was originally called, “Chuck Norris’ Roundhouse Kick Hour” but the sheer force of the pilot killed the audience, thereby displeasing the sponsorship. Chuck Norris changed the title, but he also roundhouse kicked the sponsorship in the face.
January 19, 2006 at 2:59 pm
PI’s original intent was to be in a constant in an equation to measure the force of a Chuck Norris roundhouse. Mathematecians found it useful for circumference also.
Chuck Norris is claimed to recite the decimal places of PI, whether he used a roundhouse to stop the places or not is uncertain.
January 19, 2006 at 3:07 pm
The Germans did not lose to the Russians at the Battle of Stalingrad. They lost to Chuck Norris.
January 19, 2006 at 3:35 pm
President Bush had a plan for the exit strategy in Iraq. Unfortunately Chuck Norris was busy.
January 19, 2006 at 3:39 pm
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
this has some funny ones:
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
4 out of 5 doctors agree: They don’t wan’t to meet Chuck Norris in a dark alley when he is in a bad mood. The fifth doctor has nothing to live for.
# Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
# There is in fact an “I� in Norris, but there is no “team�… not even close.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris…. Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
hehe
January 19, 2006 at 4:41 pm
Chuck Norris delivers babies. One time, a newborn peed on Chuck. He then roundhouse kicked it back into the womb.
January 19, 2006 at 4:45 pm
Scientists can now prove there are black holes. A select few witnessed Chuck Norris round house kicking the universe in the groin.
January 19, 2006 at 4:51 pm
i once had a dream about chuck norris, all i can remember is chuck norris roundhouse kicking me to the face and waking up with a boot print on my face
January 19, 2006 at 7:23 pm
Chuck Norris killed 20 ninjas. When the police arrived on the scene the only thing left of the victims was a peice of flesh with a boot tatoo. Since this time the police have no leads.
January 19, 2006 at 7:29 pm
Coffee drinks a cup of Chuck Norris to wake up in the morning
January 19, 2006 at 7:33 pm
moses didn’t split the red river in half, scientist later on found evidence it was chuck norris practicing his round house kicks
January 19, 2006 at 7:58 pm
chuck is awesome
January 19, 2006 at 8:24 pm
The best ones are here:
http://www.thechucknorrisfacts.com/
Especially the ones on the second page, I laughed so hard I shat myself
January 19, 2006 at 9:53 pm
Soon after he finished writing the Bible, Jesus handed it to Chuck Norris to read. 2 minutes later, Norris found 32 philosophical errors.
January 19, 2006 at 11:44 pm
Chuck Norris once beat up an anvil.
January 19, 2006 at 11:45 pm
Chuck Norris is a good fighter. So good he won Fighter of the Year 4 times in a row.
January 19, 2006 at 11:45 pm
Chuck Norris eats elephants so that you won’t have to.
January 19, 2006 at 11:46 pm
Chuck Norris was late for a roller coaster one time. He made it stop dead in its tracks. Dead.
January 19, 2006 at 11:46 pm
Nobody second guesses Chuck Norris. It just isn’t cool. haha
January 20, 2006 at 2:26 am
Someone asked Chuck Norris what type of dog he’d like to be most. He chose a ninja turtle.
January 20, 2006 at 7:41 am
Chuck Norris isn’t able to use Linux, ’cause he doesn’t except a Kernel.
January 20, 2006 at 11:17 am
Shortly after Chuck Norris was born he tried to shave his manly beard but found the razor snapped. Since then Chuck Norris sharpens his killing knives on his beard
January 20, 2006 at 2:50 pm
only chuck norris can make Linux accept a kernal
ps. fyi its fubar (an acrynom standing for fucked up beyond all return) and im not so sure anyone got ur joke (just to let u know)
January 20, 2006 at 2:58 pm
chuck norris runs the mile in -3 seconds
January 20, 2006 at 3:09 pm
be like chuck norris guide
(you really can’t be like chuck cuz after all he is chuck norris i mean come on)
#1: ebrace the power of the beard
#2: don’t forget no matter how badly out numbered you are your enimes will still only attack you one at a time
hint: feel free to round house kick them as they get within reach but mix it up everynow and then….. do a round house kick in the opposite direction
#3: guns are over rated at least make things a little challenging always resort to a round house kick
#4: women will be attracted to you naturally
warning: men will be too
#5: your hat is your most important piece of equipment you own never leave home without it
#6 : you really don’t ever need a side kick but they give you someone to round house kick when you get bored
#8 : if your reading this and your a women then ur probably already pregnant… if your a guy.. ur probably pregnant too
#7 : when all else fails round house kick it
January 20, 2006 at 3:30 pm
Chuck Norris mutilplies if he eats after midnight.
January 20, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Chuck Norris likes to smell flowers, and by “smell” I mean “defacate” and by “flowers” I mean “on Meg Ryan”.
January 20, 2006 at 5:49 pm
Windows has never crashed on Chuck Norris’ computer.
Chuck Norris will not die. He’ll roundhouse kick the bucket.
Chuck Norris can lick his elbow.
More on http://www.joemonster.org
January 20, 2006 at 6:26 pm
The only reason this site exists is because Chuck Norris believes in allowing his fans to reminice.
January 20, 2006 at 7:53 pm
How much wood could Chuck Norris chuck
If Chuch Norris could chuck wood
It’s not a matter of if but when and
Chuck Norris would triple roundhouse the
fuckin’ chuckin’ wood
January 20, 2006 at 9:22 pm
It’s a common misconception that compasses point North. Compasses point Chuck Norris.
January 20, 2006 at 10:19 pm
Grass isn’t grown naturally, Chuck Norris invented it to make the world a better place
January 20, 2006 at 10:28 pm
Never say “I swear to God” because Chuck Norris doesn’t like cursing
January 20, 2006 at 10:31 pm
Chuck Norris never takes showers because hes semi permeable.
January 20, 2006 at 10:57 pm
how many Chuck Norris’ does it take to put in a light bulb?
WHO NEEDS A FRIGGIN LIGHT BULB! ITS CHUCK NORRIS!
January 21, 2006 at 12:00 am
chuck norris’ worst nightmare: a roundhouse kick gone wrong
January 21, 2006 at 12:12 am
a tsunami is what happens when water runs in fear of chuck norris or what he calls “getting a little out of hand with the wave pool”
January 21, 2006 at 12:26 am
chuck norris once winked at a girl she melted… litteraly
i saw it
January 21, 2006 at 2:03 am
DE- FACTO “facts” !! :-
The theme of all our fun with Chuck seems to be “He’s tough!”
Hmmm– Could that be sarcasm ? Some people who tell the world how educated they are are’nt worth a nickle’s worth of horsemeat when it comes to “knowing” ANY facts about Mr. Chuck.
An interesting scenario : Picture this :-
Each year Chuck Norris would meet with other Martial artists at a United Fighting Federal Arts convention. In 1993 he met with one of the greatest jujitsu artist,and karate teacher ,Carlos Muchado, and he was asked by Carlos if he would help him show some of his students how to escape certain holds. There were 22 young, strong “cream of the crop” blackbelt artists. Chuck agreed to help them learn a little more.
After a short while, when he was showing the first man a “hold” etc. the guy got overly ambitious and started “grappling ” with chuck –like wrestling —so Chuck went along with him, and within a very short time the guy was “tapping the mat”; a way of saying “that’s enough; I give up !”
To make the story short, he fought with all 22 young blackbelt men and won each match , in sucession , with no rest in between fights.
He even won the match with one fellow who had been standing by watching Chuck’s every move and had the benifit of hearing Carlos’s suggestions of how to counteract and escape Chucks holds. Chuck had that guy submitting in two minutes; holding him so hard and incapacitated he could’nt even move. Chuck was more than twice the age of most of them then.
I’m impressed ! That’s only one little incident.
January 21, 2006 at 2:11 am
LOL! Nice
January 21, 2006 at 2:35 am
chuck norrises boots are so massive.when he walks into his front door of the house.the shoes are sticking out of the back door.
January 21, 2006 at 9:07 am
Chuck Norris feels no pain, Pain feels Chuck Norris.
January 21, 2006 at 10:58 am
hahahahahahahahahlol
Mr. T’s name used to be Mr. Tackle then chuck norris got mad bcause he could not be Mr. round house kick …. so he kicked the ackle off of tackle leaving Mr.T
January 21, 2006 at 12:20 pm
[...] http://mike.wordpress.com/2005/12/05/chuck-norris-the-facts/ [...]
January 21, 2006 at 4:02 pm
In a remote mountain range harnessing the initial development of his round house kick, Chuck Norris had to be careful to control his ability. Many times he found himself in a stage he refers to as the “helicopter”, landing on mountain top to mountain top.
January 21, 2006 at 4:03 pm
Chuck Norris VS Chuck Norris…
Whoever wins…We lose.
January 21, 2006 at 8:40 pm
Something REALLY funny !! :–
Every now and then ,probably TOO often ,I hear or read about some yo-yos who refer to the “Walker” show as being “canceled” .
Back to the boring REAL facts : I hate to tell them and deflate thier heads, but “Walker” was NOT “canceled” ! He, Chuck , decided to fold. He said he wanted to quit while he was ahead . So ending the Walker show was HIS idea, not CBS .
And for those who enjoy looking down thier noses at the “Walker” show,..did you know :
“Walker” became the most sucessful saturday night series on television since ” Gunsmoke” .
It was one of the top-rated t.v. shows ever. The people embraced it very well.
Walker by survey etc., was found to be considered a family show; families were sitting down together Sat. night to watch this show together. It was considered to be one of the few shows that had that status.
Oh,–and it ran for EIGHT years; as good as it usually gets. That would’nt have happened if it wasn’t sucessful. It was and still is, one of a kind. There has’nt been another like it since it left us.So for those who are ready to tell us how “Walker” was not a winner –DON’T open your mouth and make yourself sound as stupid as you look already.
January 21, 2006 at 9:21 pm
Oh Yeah?
Well i heard that Chuck Norris eats a bowl of rocks in petrol for breakfast every morning.
January 22, 2006 at 2:38 am
Guns dont kill people. Chuck Norris kills people!!!
January 22, 2006 at 5:01 am
Chuck Norris was the first choice for the role of Danny Tanner on Full House. Everything was going well until this incident with the Olsen triplets
January 22, 2006 at 9:47 am
the us never actually dropped the atomic bomb on japan, it was actually chuck norris punching the ground
January 22, 2006 at 3:43 pm
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Uncle Rico a quarter mile.
January 22, 2006 at 4:35 pm
Have you ever heard of the Chuck Norris diet? He comes to your house and roundhouse kicks the fat off your body.
January 22, 2006 at 6:08 pm
The happy treehouse friends didn’t make chuck norris very happy. The result was the series known as the happy treehouse friends produced by chuck norris.
January 22, 2006 at 6:10 pm
Chuck norris stuffed his pants once…. to prove that space isn’t infinite.
January 22, 2006 at 7:09 pm
More “de Facto ” facts :
Well bless your hearts ! This site’s list about the power of Chuck Norris’ kick shows me that people may have finally come to realize the truth in regards to the impact of the famous Chuck-kick ! *
All your far-out descriptions of Chuck’s karate talents may not be so far-out after all. Read on :-
ON ONE OCCASION-at the fighting arts convention some blackbelt students were in a workout room kicking a dummy that was electronically wired to determine the force with which the students were kicking in pounds per square inch. Most of the men were striking the dummy on an average of 200 lbs. per square inch. A few of them struck the dummy with almost 300 lbs. per square inch of force that’s registered by the meter. That’s quite a wallop and Chuck said he was “extremely impressed !”
The young men began to plead with Chuck to show them what he could do (Please, please ?) After a while he decided to quit resisting and said “Okay, I’ll give it a try”
Chuck leaped up and kicked the dummy and the meter registered an impact of SIX HUNDRED POUNDS per square inch !
Needless to say, THEY were “extremely impressed” They said that they’d never seen that done before; nobody had gotten the meter above 300 lbs. That’s half the force of Chuck’s kick. Totally awesome.
* in regard to his “famous kick” ; actually that would be the Chuck Norris “scissor-kick” often described as “deadly” , and not the typical “roundhouse ” kick.
January 23, 2006 at 8:12 am
Mental break-downs are caused by getting subconsciously round-housed by Chuck Norris.
January 23, 2006 at 12:45 pm
[...] Perhaps it was too much Dr. Demento when I was a kid, but I get a real kick out of the serious, but not, nature of things like the Young Chuck Norris from SNL. It also helps that the web has been fascinated with random Chuck Norris facts, even bringing him up to date for Chuck Norris 2.0 (think Web 2.0). So if you just can’t get enough check out Chuck Norris, 22 facts, all new Chuck Norris facts and of course, from the man himself, Chuck’s response to his facts. [...]
January 24, 2006 at 9:53 pm
[...] In any case, even Chuck Norris has commented on the issue. Even Tony Danza has commented on the issue. It’s in the Washington Post. It’s appearing in ambiguous “forwarded e-mail form” in certain blogs. [...]
January 25, 2006 at 9:54 am
[...] Chuck Norris 2.0. “Chuck Norris showers with AJAX but no water.” See also: Original Chuck Norris facts, New Chuck Norris facts, and the official Chuck Norris response. Update: I highly recommend watching these Walker, Texas Ranger clips on Conan O’Brien. If that struck your fancy, you can always buy the DVD set, I just ordered it. [...]
January 28, 2006 at 5:51 am
[...] It has all started when NBC acquired Universal Pictures (May, 2004) and Conan O’Brien (of the Late Night with Conan O’Brien fame) dug up the archives of Walker, Texas Ranger. He has carefully chosen about a dozen clips from various episodes and showed them to the public, having lots of fun in between. Shortly thereafter someone made the list of the so called Chuck Norris facts and that’s when it all really started. Over the course of one year the trend became so huge, that Chuck himself issued an official response. [...]
February 2, 2006 at 6:52 pm
Thilly Thursday: Chuck Norris Facts
The original Chuck Norris facts are from an anonymous e-mail forward, and it’s starting to balloon out of control. Heck, there’s even a chucknorrisfacts.com now. The first 18 items in this list were written by Mike Fertig of Because the Wor…
February 7, 2006 at 2:46 am
[...] Recently some funny comments about Chuck Norris have been circulating around the internet and particularly in blogs, like here. [...]
February 13, 2006 at 5:13 pm
[...] Somewhere in the beginning of December last year – I had just started on WordPress – I noticed a blogpost in my WordPress dashboard that was called “Chuck Norris – The Facts“. It was a list with some funny Chuck Norris facts that had been going around by email for a while apparently. I hadn’t seen it before but thought it was really funny. I had never thought that it would become as big as it did, proof are several postings around the web featuring always more and more facts (More Chuck Norris facts, Chuck Norris can devide by zero, Chuck is the new Hoff (Jaffejuice), … only being a selection of what is there)Â or a website dedicated to the subject (Chuck Norris facts) and even television appearances of Chuck Norris where he’s asked about the list like this one with Tony Danza being the host. [...]
February 15, 2006 at 9:46 pm
[...] Did you know… Rather than be born like a regular baby, Chuck Norris punched his way out of his mother’s womb? Or, that there are no disabled people, only people who have met Chuck Norris? Twenty more interesting facts about Chuck Norris, aka, Walker: Texas Ranger can be found here. And if you’re still hungry for more, watch Tony Danza read ‘Chuck Norris – The Facts’ to Chuck Norris. Tony’s cruisin’ for a bruisin’. [...]
April 8, 2006 at 7:26 pm
[...] I was literally laughing out loud when I read these 22 Chuck Norris facts… Posted by Bryan Filed in Humor [...]
April 25, 2006 at 12:19 am
[...] On a totally unrelated note, if you haven’t seen it yet, here is a page of facts about Chuck Norris. [...]
May 26, 2006 at 7:31 am
[...] Chuck Norris: The Facts Filed under: Uncategorized, Funny — Killeroid at 4:12 pm on Wednesday, December 28, 2005 So,I found this page here. andI thought it was massively hilarious.So what do you think about it.leave a comment.Many of you have probably already seen this in forwarded email form, but it’s actually one of the funnier things I’ve been forwarded. Everything you always wanted to know about Chuck Norris but were afraid to ask. Enjoy.22 Chuck Norris Facts [...]
July 4, 2006 at 12:10 am
[...] Because the World Is Round Chuck Norris – the facts Chuck Norris then stated Don t ever attempt to make a joke out of Chuck Norris! … Some people understand how to make a funny Chuck Norris fact. … [...]
September 26, 2006 at 1:29 am
[...] A selection of facts : here and here [...]
October 9, 2006 at 1:01 pm
[...] The 22 facts about Chuck Norris that I posted a few days ago have become hugely popular. As I said in the post, those were sent to me in a forwarded email, so unfortunately, I have no idea where they originated from. However, not being one to let an opportunity to jump on a bandwagon slip by, I’ve written my own Chuck Norris facts. Most of you probably didn’t know most of these were true. To be honest, I didn’t either. I only know them because Chuck Norris has allowed for me to know them. [...]
October 25, 2006 at 10:01 am
[...] I found more Chuck Norris facts on this site. Here’s a sample: [...]
February 22, 2007 at 11:45 pm
[...] Chuck Norris – the facts. What a guy. posted by John at 9:55 am [...]
June 2, 2007 at 9:30 pm
[...] HAAAAAAAAA read some of these about Chuck Norris Chuck Norris – the facts « Because the World is Round [...]
September 19, 2007 at 10:35 pm
[...] Zen and Ken Rockwell…. A similar take on Chuck Norris…….. Chuck Norris – the facts « Because the World is Round __________________ Simplicity is the hallmark of [...]
November 28, 2007 at 9:49 am
[...] so far. While it still doesn’t top Bill Richardson’s ads, this commercial with Chuck Norris is awesome! No matter whether you like or dislike Huckabee’s policy positions you have to [...]
February 10, 2008 at 4:43 pm
[...] Chuck Norris Fact about Chuck Norris Chuck Norris – the facts Because the World is Round __________________ Skoda driver in [...]
April 24, 2008 at 3:25 am
[...] always wanted to know about Chuck Norris but were afraid to ask. Enjoy.Example: Chuck Norris isn??thttp://mike.wordpress.com/2005/12/05/chuck-norris-the-facts/WikiAnswers – What does hung like a horse meanSexual and Family Health question: What does hung like [...]
October 4, 2008 at 1:03 pm
[...] Chuck Norris but the Chuck Norris [...]
March 12, 2009 at 6:41 am
[...]  Marc Boilard, Nadine la Fouine, Martin Petit, Vanessa Lapierre (blog sur les jumelles BO 2), Chuck Norris, Pascal Colpron (Mon petit [...]
April 10, 2009 at 4:27 am
[...] Chuck Norris – the facts « Because the World is Round [...]
January 26, 2010 at 8:26 am
[...] Chuck Norris – the facts « Because the World is Round [...]
August 27, 2010 at 1:37 pm
[...] Image courtesy of locationscout on flickrChuck is more than a mere action movie legend. The man is a meme! His glaring absence from this movie is clearly an egregious omission and reason enough [...]
June 3, 2012 at 3:33 am
[...] Chuck Norris – the facts | Because the World is Round ads [...]