So last night I logged into my WordPress account only to receive a message from the WordPress server. It seems it was down for a moment and a message was thrown up to inform users to stand by. This was the message:

Confessions Of A Server
OH MY! Life is so unfair! What did I do wrong to be born a server in this
day and age? I could have been a nice simple bicycle that people happily
rode around on all day. But no, I’m stuck inside this metal case serving web
pages instead. I never even see the light of day and all I can hear is the
rush of the air-conditioning!
Well, no more! I’m relaxing here with a cup of tea and a biscuit until
someone shows me some love and attention.

It never takes them long to fix me when I kick up a fuss so check back in a
few minutes and I’ll be chugging along merrily again.!

Signed,
The WordPress.com web server
(WordPress.com – where even the machines have life!)

After reading this I was suddenly hit with a severe case of guilt. I’ve realized what a thankless job this server has, and I for one, feel the need to express my feelings for it. Therefore, I’m sharing this open letter to the WordPress server:

Dear WordPress Server,

I got your message the other night. I must apologize. I’ve taken you for
granted. I can admit that now. I mean you’ve just always been there for me.
I’ll say it, there’ve been nights that I’ve gotten home at 2:30 in the
morning. Too intoxicated to log on, let alone even acknowledge that you’re
there — waiting for me.

It’s reassuring, to be sure. But it’s also not good for me. Do you know how
hard it is to get excited about something that you just sort of come to rely
on? It’s difficult. I mean you don’t get excited everytime your key unlocks
your front door, do you? No.

And perhaps that’s a shame. Perhaps this is the society that we’ve allowed
to develop right in front of us. How often do we really appreciate the
simple things that we rely on? Not often, Server. Not often.

You’ve always treated me without judgement. I think it only fair that I do
the same to you. I vow to you, right here, right now, that things are gonna
change. I give you my word that I will think about you, all the time. I will
thank the powers that be for your existence every time that I change
the visual theme of my WordPress blog.

You’ve seen me at the peak of my popularity. When my head got big because of that time I got over 30,000 views in three days, you didn’t say a word. You just kept on keeping on. And now that the Chuck Norris phenomenon is fading, you’re still there. I thank you for that.

Chuck Norris may be capable of processing enough data through a manipulated
cerebellic formula allowing for the displacement of unanticipated
post-modern unix-disabled runoff. But I understand completely that you are
what you are, and I can’t expect you to be anything more than that.

In this blog eat blog world, you are the constant that keeps me sane. You are my Rock, and I can smell what you are cooking. You are my server, and I will tip you 20% everytime.

Regardless of what our future holds, I want — no — I need for you to
understand how important you are to me. You are the lifeblood that flows
through my interweb. You are the trachea to my voicebox. Without you, I’m
just an unlit candle, sitting in the dark. A simple potential source of
energy and output; existing without a chance to glow.

Thank you, Server. Thank you.

You take all the time you need. You deserve it. I’ll still be here when you’re up and running again.

With love and admiration,
Mike Fertig
Because the World Is Round

6 thoughts on “An open letter to the WordPress server

  1. Nice one, Mikey! And nice move on wordpress’s part…there isn’t enough “cutesiness” in today’s error messages.

  2. Hey Mike,

    Thanks for that. I had a word with the server and after consultation with the database server he thinks that your key needs a holiday and a cup of tea too. Or maybe a dose of oil, no, just a drop. A drop will do.

    BTW – I’m thinking of holding a small competition to pick the next generation of error messages. Flickr has it’s famous massage, we have a tea-swigging server, but it’s not enough.
    Our servers host the content of a lot of people and all those personalities do leak out and affect the bits and bytes of our hardware.
    Keep an eye on donncha.wordpress.com for further updates!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s