The world’s greatest power ballad.

So in preparing for our first ever band rehearsal this weekend, I’ve written a power ballad. It’s based on two conversations that are completely unrelated. The first of which is one I had with Freddy Malinowski where we recognized the fact that if there were no such thing as a ballad, there would be no such thing as rock. Hence, we realized that “you cannot rock without the ballad.”

The other conversation was with Hoyer and DeRosa about whether we should practice during the day or at night. Turns out we’re rockin’ during the day because I’m going to the Bulls game with Carlita tomorrow night, so the daytime is our only option.

Nathan Lane Is Gay

The winds of rock came blowing in,
softly like a breeze.
But then the gusts came thrusting in,
roughly filled with sleeze.

We came to rock out but a fear sets in,
will we be too loud?
How in god’s name are we supposed to explain
this bullshit to our crowd?

Do we care that the neighbors are sleeping?
Sleeping fast and sound?
I don’t give a crap, not in the least,
but then, this isn’t my town.

That’s why I say, screw the bastards, we’re drunk.

You cannot rock without the ballad,
You cannot rock with a tossed Greek Salad.
Olives with pits or kiss my grits,
You cannot rock without the ballad.

I said screw the bastards we’re drunk.
How else could we play such effective funk.
Like the golfer named Freddy we ain’t no punk.
Like the David Hasselhoff, we ain’t no hunk.

But softly the winds of rock still blow.
Slowly the crowd leaves the show,
having seen us jam and seen us grow, a
fifty-five foot love gun from down below.

You cannot rock without the ballad,
You cannot rock with a tossed greek salad.
Olives with pits or kiss my grits,
You cannot rock without the ballad.

Do we practice at night or during the day?
Do we care if the sun’s still up when we play?
There’s really no doubt Nathan Lane is gay.
But do we practice at night or in the day.

To me it doesn’t matter, I just play the bass.
Pluckin’ it, and thumpin’ it while making a face.
Bomp chica bomp bomp, boom chica mace.
To me it doesn’t matter, I just play the bass.

You cannot rock without the ballad,
You cannot rock with a tossed greek salad.
Olives with pits or kiss my grits,
You cannot rock without the ballad.

3 thoughts on “The world’s greatest power ballad.

  1. Mikey says:

    When they jam to the rock
    they can’t help but stock
    up on those acts of which you have spoken.
    But the true Sumatran groove,
    comes from those of you who’ve
    sent them tapes of The Troggs, the Trashmen, or the Tokens.

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