I can’t help but wonder, if the Sox win the Series tonight, there’s no doubt that there will be some overturned cars and looting and such in certain areas of the South Side. But the question is, will there be activity on the North Side as well? I mean I wonder if wriled up Sox fans will drive into Wrigleyville and wreak havoc on Cub fans.

I say this as a Cub fan, but with luck, maybe they’ll burn down Wrigley Field. Don’t get me wrong, I love that place, but I’m not sure I’m convinced that the Cubs can win as long as they play there. Too many players love to come to Wrigley. They love the atmosphere. It brings out the best in them. Why do you think there are so many Cub killers out there? I believe it’s because they get fired up to play in Wrigley so they just end up beating the crap out of us.

Or, it could be because the Cubs have to play so many day games year after year and it wears on the team. Thus, they fade down the stretch.

Or maybe it could be because Dusty Baker sucks as a manager and they should never have hired him back this year.

Here’s my vision for a new Cubs ballpark. It would be built downtown. We might have to take out an office building or two along the river for this plan to work, but bear with me. I’m thinking it should be built along the south bank of the Chicago River, right about the spot where the north/south and east/west Wacker streets meet. Actually, check that, it should be built over the river. Imagine, an entire ballpark suspended over the river like that. Fantastic. What about traffic and parking, you ask? Simple. We build feeder ramps off the Kennedy/Dan Ryan and Lake Shore Drive. Four-lane super-ramps that take travelers to a baseball only parking facility that will be built below the river. A series of glass elevators will be built all along the four corners of the ballpark, so that those riding in them can see into the murky depths of the Chicago River. Similarly, glass tubes holding escalators will serve a similar purpose. These will of course be lit with Cubbie colors and will not only be a convenience for fans, but will also provide a glorious new feel for the city’s landscape.

The stadium itself will look amazing from the outside. It won’t look anything like a ballpark. It will fit in somehow with the surrounding buildings and will reflect the water from the river below. We must remember that it has to be built high enough so that ships with tall sails can navigate below it. Therefore it would be a considerably forimdable structure.

The interior of the ballpark will blow visitors away. Upon entering the belly of the park, fans will feel as if they are entering a secluded rural hideaway. The playing surface will be flawless, of course, the stands will be enormous, but yet amazingly intimate. The outfield wall will still be made of brick and will still have the ivy growing on it. Naturally, the ivy from Wrigley would be replanted here.

And there would be a retractable dome. But it would literally be a dome. None of this silly sliding roof crap that’s going on all over the place. It would open like something out of a James Bond movie. Like a giant Silly Putty egg being cracked in half and sliding open. But it would be totally glass, so that the sun would still be a factor and we could see the rain pouring down. However, if it’s raining with no lightning, the roof stays open. It’s only closed if a game is in jeopardy of not being played.

Think about the possibilities. Think of how this would revitalize the city. Not that it’s losing steam or anything now. But this would also help the downtown area expand to the south and west a little more. Those who live and work in the loop could just walk to the game. It would actually result in sort of a return to the old days, when you’d see so many men in suits at a game.

It would be magnificent.

Sadly, I know my dream of a downtown ballpark will probably never be fulfilled. This makes me sad, because I know this would be a truly fantastic idea.

Mr. Trump, you’re building a big ol’ tower downtown aren’t you? Why not just make this part of it? I’m sure the Cubs will agree.

Since it’s my idea, I call I get free front row season tickets right behind the Cubs on deck circle.

One thought on “Sox fans looting Wrigleyville? Let’s build a Loop Wrigley.

  1. As I watched the White Sox complete their sweep of the Assholes, I mean Astros last night, I couldn’t help but smile as I thought that this is kind of like a blue state defeating a red state. I kept thinking about all the dirty Republicans that must be sitting in Minute Maid Park/Enron Field and, sure enough, two of the dirtiest were right behind home plate. Although the Sox victory is by no means any consolation for the extreme debacle that took place on November 2nd last, at least the World Series title is safely in the hands of the Dems. Obama in ’08….

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