Someone explain to me why it is that some guys walk into a public men’s room and behave as though they’re in the privacy of their own home. The other day I was in the men’s room at work taking care of some paper work when someone came in and used one of the urinals. As he was evacuating his fluids, he began to groan and talk to himself. “Hoo boy, Stevie, atta boy,” he was saying to himself. “Wow. Yeah, there you go.”

No kidding. This guy was actually encouraging himself as he went. I swear I’m not making that up.

I work in a big office and there are hundreds of people I don’t know, so I don’t actually know who this guy is, but for crying out loud, people, just assume that there’s someone in a stall when you walk into what appears to be an empty men’s room.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard guys walk up to a urinal and fart and belch and groan and moan and make whatever other sort of body noises they feel they need to make in order to feel fully relieved. But it happens a lot. Maybe that means I’m in there too often, but a guy needs his sanctuary, know what I’m saying?

So fellas, quit disturbing my quiet time with all your cheek breeze.

2 thoughts on “Not so silent, but still deadly.

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