While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Ukelele

I feel like I might’ve posted this here a long time ago, because I remember seeing this at least a year or so ago. But regardless, I stumbled across it again recently and was blown away by it, so I thought I’d put it up.

Pretty moving, I’d say.

 

Encouragement for Marathoners

I just got an email from my cousin Jess. Her husband Chris ran in a Seattle Marathon recently and she sent a pic of him with some of the family after the race. It’s always sort of inspiring to me to hear of people accomplishing physical feats such as a marathon or a triathlon. I’m impressed with these individuals because they’re doing something that I’m pretty sure that I’ll never achieve. Feats of strength and endurance simply aren’t for me. I tend to gravitate more toward feats of discontinuance. Like that week where I left every beer I opened with about three or four mouthfuls still at the bottom. It was a difficult task to attempt. And needless to say, I couldn’t stay with it. Once I got into the second week, I had to start finishing those beers.

Anyway, after reading my cousin’s email, I felt like I wanted to be involved in Chris’s next marathon experience. So I volunteered myself to be his personal motivator. I thought that it might be helpful to have someone there to offer up encouragement. So my idea is to rent a moped for the day, and follow him along on the marathon route.

I’m keeping a list of things to yell out that will be sure to push Chris as he toils in the race. Here are some examples of what I’m coming up with:

“Run faster you lazy-gaited sissy-strider!”

“You call that running? I’ve seen 75-year-old refrigerators run better than that!”

“My moped is running outta gas. Let’s stop at that Marathon gas station over there. Here’s 20 bucks. Run in and get me 10 bucks of gas and a Red Bull. And I want my change!”

“From back here you sorta look like Melanie Griffith.”

“Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Right. Get up, slacker!”

“So then in my third senior year of college I was sorta dating this chick named Sparkles. Her eyes really did sparkle, too! But that was more on account of the bad case of Fungal Keratitis that she acquired somehow. But as a result of her poor eye sight, her other senses were heightened dramatically. Especially her sense of entitlement. Eventually, we had to go our separate ways, but I’ll never forget her scent. She emanated an odor not unlike a rose bush covered with stink bugs, lit on fire, thrown into a bathtub full of hair, and extinguished with a spray of the juice drained from fifty cans of tuna. I miss Sparkles.”

“Pick up the pace, there Prancer. Rudolph is waitin’ for you!”

“Ever hear the song by Bruce Springsteen called ‘Born to Run?’ Yeah. I didn’t think so.”

“Gettin’ tired yet? C’mon, I know you are. Look, there’s an Applebee’s. Let’s get some margaritas.”

“Your shoelace is untied! Just kidding. No, really, it is. Ha. Just kidding.”

“Remember that lady in the Olympics that ran with no shoes on? Remember when she knocked down Mary Decker Slaney and Mary Decker Slaney fell to the infield and started crying? Remember that? The lady without the shoes was named Zola Budd. Remember that? Zola Budd. What a great name. Maybe you should change your name to Zola Budd. You’ll have to take off your shoes though. Remember that Olympics though? It was ‘84. You know what else happened in ‘84? Yep. That’s right! The Chicago White Sox and Milwaukee Brewers played the longest game in MLB history! The 25-inning affair was played over a two day period and lasted 8 hours and 6 minutes. That’s almost as long as it took you to get through the first three miles of this race! How ’bout less slacking and crying and more running, Mary Decker! I’m starving!”

“You run like Nathan Lane with both legs asleep.”

“Push it! C’mon! You can do it! You’re doing great! That’s it. You look great from back here! You should be proud. Keep up with those long strides. Fantastic! That’s it, keep it — Chris, will you shut it back there! I’m helping this young lady with her form — that’s it! Long strides. Let your body rise and fall heavily with each step! Great! That’s just great! Oh yeah!”

“Dude! I’m so bored back here! Lemme use that walkman for awhile, will you? I’ve got a Lionel Ritchie cassette I’d like to listen to.”

“Oh, sweet! There’s a UPS store over there. Let’s run in and pick up some bubble wrap.”

“Aw, look! You just got lapped by Cate!” (Chris’s three-and-three-quarter year old daughter.)

Doesn’t it sorta bring a tear to your eye to think about one man doing so much to help and encourage a fellow man as he participates in a grueling event that tests the body, along with the mind and spirit. But please, don’t embarrass me with praise for my efforts. Just pay it forward. Use these gems of encouragement to help along someone that you love.

Pay it forward.
And let us remember what a wise man once said:

“Sorry about the mess”
-Han Solo

 

Obama Takes Iowa — Huckabee Takes Chuck Norris

How about that Barak, huh? A strong showing in my second home state of Iowa. I’m so proud of that guy and can’t wait until he’s in the White House.

My pal Brad was telling me about this t-shirt not long ago and he just sent me the link. How great is this shirt?

I can’t necessarily say that it’s exactly the sort of slogan I think Senator Obama should adopt, but I do think it’s freakin’ hilarious.

And who saw Huckabee’s victory speech? I couldn’t take my eyes off Chuck Norris standing behind him. His smile was blinding. I felt like I was staring into the sun. I’m actually sitting here right now watching MSNBC and they’re talking about Chuck Norris in great detail at this very moment. I’m curious to see what sort of spike I get in views here as a result. Everytime Chuck Norris makes the news or becomes the topic of conversation, this site gets massive view numbers. It’s amazing.

Anyway, congrats to Obama. I truly believe he’s the best person for the job. This will sound weird, but I think he reminds me a lot of Abe Lincoln. How could that be, you ask? Because in my mind, I see Abe Lincoln as having a similar oratory style. I have a feeling that we tend to imagine Abe Lincoln as having a very slow, deliberate, almost quiet speaking voice. But whatever. I’m not here to speculate on Lincoln’s speech delivery style. The fact is that Obama knows how sound presidential. He’s got a natural regal quality that demands a level of respect. He knows how to hold a room. He knows how to make everyone think that they’re hearing the most important thing they’ve ever heard. Part of this is because he’s just a good speaker. But it helps that the things he says are the things we want to hear. Much of what he says really is important. In some respects, the things he says very well might be some of the most important things many of us have ever heard. This is a very exciting time. I actually look forward to educating myself further as these primaries progress. Because as those of you who are regular readers know, I’m not exactly the most politically minded person in the world. But I know a good man when I see one, and that man is Barak Obama.

It helps that he seems to have a magnificent speech writer. Here’s the transcript of his Iowa victory speech (as apparently leaked from the New York Daily News):

“They said this day would never come. They said our sights were set too high. They said this country was too divided; too disillusioned to ever come together around a common purpose.

But on this January night – at this defining moment in history – you have done what the cynics said we couldn’t do; what the state of New Hampshire can do in five days; what America can do in this New Year. In schools and churches; small towns and big cities; you came together as Democrats, Republicans and Independents to stand up and say that we are one nation; we are one people; and our time for change has come.

You said the time has come to move beyond the bitterness and pettiness and anger that’s consumed Washington; to end the political strategy that’s been all about division and make it about addition – to build a coalition for change that stretches through Red States and Blue States. Because that’s how we’ll win in November, and that’s how we’ll finally meet the challenges we face.

The time has come to tell the lobbyists who think their money and their influence speak louder than our voices that they don’t own this government, we do; and we’re here to take it back.

The time has come for a President who’ll be honest about the choices and the challenges we face; who’ll listen to you even when we disagree; who won’t just tell you what you want to hear, but what you need to know. And New Hampshire, if you give me the same chance that Iowa did tonight, I will be that President for America.”

I’ll be a President who finally makes health care affordable and available to every single American the same way I expanded health care in Illinois – by bringing Democrats and Republicans together to get the job done

I’ll be a President who ends the tax breaks for corporations who ship our jobs overseas and puts a middle-class tax cut into the pockets of the working Americans who deserve it.

I’ll be a President who harnesses the ingenuity of farmers and scientists and entrepreneurs to free this nation from the tyranny of oil once and for all.

And I’ll be a President who brings our troops home from Iraq; restores our moral standing; and understands that 9/11 is not a way to scare up votes, but a challenge that should unite America and the world against the common threats of the twenty-first century: terrorism and nuclear weapons; climate change and poverty; genocide and disease.

Tonight, we are one step closer to that vision of America because of what you did here in Iowa. And I’d like to take a minute to thank the organizers and precinct captains; the volunteers and staff who made this all possible.

I know you didn’t do this just for me. You did this because you believed deeply in the most American of ideas – that in the face of impossible odds, people who love this country can change it.

I know this because while I may be standing here tonight, I’ll never forget that my journey began on the streets of Chicago doing what so many of you have done for this campaign and all the campaigns here in Iowa – organizing, and working, and fighting to make people’s lives just a little bit better.

I know how hard it is. It comes with little sleep, little pay, and a lot of sacrifice. There are days of disappointment, but sometimes, just sometimes, there are nights like this – a night that, years from now, when we’ve made the changes we believe in; when more families can afford to see a doctor; when our children inherit a planet that’s a little cleaner and safer; when the world sees America differently, and America sees itself as a nation less divided and more united; you’ll be able look back with pride and say that this was the moment when it all began.

This was the moment when the improbable beat what Washington always said was inevitable.

This was the moment when we tore down barriers that have divided us for far too long – when we rallied people of all parties and ages to a common cause; when we finally gave Americans who’d never participated in politics a reason to stand up and do so.

This was the moment when we finally beat back the politics of fear, and doubt, and cynicism; the politics where we tear each other down instead of lifting this country up.

Years from now, you’ll look back and say that this was the moment – this was the place – where America remembered what it means to hope.

For many months, we’ve been teased and even derided for talking about hope.

But we always knew that hope is not blind optimism. It’s not ignoring the enormity of the task ahead or the roadblocks that stand in our path. It’s not sitting on the sidelines or shrinking from a fight. Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, and work for it, and fight for it.

Hope is what I saw in the eyes of the young woman in Cedar rapids who works the night shift after a full day of college and still can’t afford health care for a sister who’s ill; a young woman who still believes that this country will give her the chance to live out her dreams.

Hope is what I heard in the voice of the New Hampshire woman who told me that she hasn’t been able to breathe since her nephew left for Iraq; who still goes to bed each night praying for a safe return.

Hope is what led a band of colonists to rise up against an Empire; what led the greatest of generations to free a continent and heal a nation; what led young men and women to sit at lunch counters and brave fire hoses and march through Selma and Montgomery for freedom’s cause.

Hope is what led me here today – with a father from Kenya; a mother from Kansas; and a story that could only happen in the United States of America. It is the bedrock of this nation; the belief that our destiny will not be written for us, but by us; by all those men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is; who have the courage to remake the world as it should be.

That is what we started here in Iowa, and that is the message we now carry to New Hampshire and beyond; the same message we had when we were up and when we were down; the one that can change this country brick by brick, block by block, calloused hand by calloused hand – that together, ordinary people can do extraordinary things; because we are not a collection of Red States and Blue States, we are the United States of America; and at this moment, in this election, we are ready to believe again.

I’m not gonna lie to you, watching him give this speech gave me goosebumps.

 

“That’s fantastic!” - Stu Nahan

Long time sports anchor Stu Nahan passed away yesterday at the age of 81. He was prevelent in California sports television as an anchor for about 30 years, but is most famous as being the announcer in all of the Rocky films.

However, I’ll never be able to hear the name “Stu Nahan” without also thinking of Jeff Spiccoli’s dream in which he shared in one of the greatest exchanges in motion picture history.

A highlight:

Spicoli: “Where’d you get this jacket!?”
Nahan: “I got this from the network.”

Enjoy!

 

27 years gone by!?

October 9, 1940 - December 8, 1980

 

Chuck Norris for President?

So if you read the post right below this one, you know that I considered throwing my hat into the ring for consideration for the office of President of the United States. However, since posting that, two things have come to my attention that have now made me reconsider my desire to attain this position.

First of all, what’s with this having to be 35 years old to be president, crap? Theo Epstein was under 30 when that sumbitch took over the Red Sox, and I’d say he did alright. And that would be sort of like the equivilant of Ewan McGregor becoming the Prime Minister of England. Because Britain is to the United States what the Red Sox are to the Yankees. Of course, I’m referring to Ewan McGregor circa 1996, right after Trainspotting. Anyway, I just think that even though I’m 33, I should still be allowed to run. I mean, I’d turn 35 only like two weeks after the inauguration anyway. So what’s the big deal?

But really, the whole matter is moot because now that I’ve seen this presidential ad for former Arkansas govorner Mike Huckabee, I realize that there’s no way I could win. Take a look:

How cool is that? It’s actually genius, really. That alone will get the guy some votes. Which is fine. Frankly, I know nothing about the man other than that he’s a Republican governor from Arkansas. I’m just trying to remember if we’ve had any recent presidents that had any prior association with Arkansas. Hmm.

Anyway, thanks to my old friend Henry for sending that clip to my attention.

Oh, and as long as I’ve got everyone here, I’d like to go ahead and announce Because the World Is Round’s official presidential candidate endorsment: Barak Obama. So for those of you on the fence as far as your local primaries are concerned, I hope that this endorsement will officially sway your decision. Because the entire staff here at Because the World Is Round is nothing if not politically charged and fiercely informed on all situations political. It’s true! It dates all the way back to President Dewey!

Good night, America.
And good night, Ewan McGregor. Wherever you are.

 

My Bid For Presidency

As the primary elections begin to heat up for the big election next year, I’m reminded an article I posted on Negative Waves a few years back. I thought I’d repost it below for your enjoyment.

Since I’ve been so lazy lately as far as writing here, I figured the least I could do is pull out some old stuff for your enjoyement. I’ll try to get back to writing fresh stuff soon.

I’ve decided that I need some more excitement in my life. I need a part-time job or something. First of all, I could use the extra cash. Second of all, I just feel like I could really stand to fill my free time a little better. So I decided that I should analyze my talents to decide what I might be good at. So here’s a list of my talents, all six of them:

1. I’m tallish.
2. I can make farting noises with my hands.
3. I can drive a car with a manual transmission.
4. I can juggle three easy to catch objects for anywhere from 5 to 38 seconds.
5. I’m good at standing behind podiums.
6. I like to sit around and have people tell me stuff.

So naturally, I realized that the part time jobs that would work best for me would be a cashier at Barnes & Noble, a bartender, a taxi driver, a grocery stock boy, or the President of the United States.

I think being President might pay the most, so I decided to go ahead and apply for that job. It turns out though, that you can’t just apply for it. You also have to get elected or something. And apparently not even by a majority vote, from what I understand. So that sounds good to me. I’m announcing that I’m running to be hired as the president of the United States.

So my job application says that I should list reasons why I would make a good president. This was sort of like the time I got the job at Sears Paint and Hardware and they asked me why I’d make a good hardware store employee. I said, “I would make a good hardware store employee because I’m tall and can reach the paint on the top shelves.” That did the trick, I think, ’cause I got hired.

So since I need to be elected by you, the general public, I thought I would share my list of reasons why you should vote for me for president:

1. A TV in every bathroom and an armed guard in every driveway.
2. I’ll get our girl scout troops out of Iroc Z Camaros.
3. I will declare war on the real villains in this world, people who chase an inside straight and get it on the river.
4. I haven’t taken a vacation that’s lasted more than five days in years. So I won’t expect to have to do that.
5. I’ve never tried heroine, but I love a good gyro.
6. I will pronounce words correctly on national television.
7. Though I may look funny, I won’t give funny looks unless I’m trying to be funny.
8. I’ll leave a child or two behind. (But not yours, I swear.)
9. If I have a dog in the White House that son-of-a-bitch (literally) is gonna be a great big, bad-ass German Shepherd-Pitbull mix, and it’s gonna be angry. Really, really angry.
10. I won’t invite winning baseball/football/basketball teams to the White House. I’ll make them invite me to each of their houses, the rich bastards.
11. My vice-president will be Dave Chappelle.
12. I’ll sit in the coach section of Air Force One. (But I’ll get the whole row to myself.)
13. I’ll take half of the Federal Reserve’s cash to Vegas and put it all on black. If I win I’m going to the Bunny Ranch. If I lose, I’m taking the other half and going to the all-you-can-eat shrimp bar.
14. I’ll change the National Anthem from the “Star Spangled Banner” to “Hammer of Love” by Bad Company.
15. When giving my State of the Union Address, I’ll always wear a Hawaiian shirt and be drinking a Singapore Sling. Every time I say the word “crisis” I have to drink.
16. I’ll challenge the heads of state of other countries to games of Golden Tee in exchange for natural resources.
17. If the time comes for us to go to war with a country possessing nuclear capabilities, I’ll hold a contest to see who gets to push the button. Who knows, it could be you!
18. I’ll give a full pardon to Shoeless Joe Jackson and Buck Weaver and personally induct them into baseball’s Hall of Fame.
19. My election victory party will be held in the Grotto at the Playboy Mansion, and Fred Durst won’t be invited. In fact, James Caan will be personally in charge of my guest list. We’re gonna party old school.
20. Ben Affleck will be immediately executed for crimes against the state. Namely, reproducing.
21. I’ll take control of the National Hockey League and I’ll make some changes. I’ll make the goal bigger, I’ll get rid of icing, I’ll take away the goalie’s stick, and I’ll get rid of the sport of hockey.
22. I’ll take the Pledge of Allegiance out of the classrooms. I’ll replace it with the reciting of the lyrics to “Rockin’ Into the Night” by .38 Special.
23. I’ll make it a law that people have to post their cell-phone numbers on their car bumpers so we can call the idiots to tell them how much they suck at driving.
24. I’ll change the national bird from the bald eagle to the middle finger.
25. When Superman saves the Eiffel tower from a bomb planted beneath an elevator by sending it into space and the resulting explosion sets free three alien criminals from their two-dimensional glass prison and they come to Earth demanding to meet the president, I won’t hide behind my vice-president. And the first thing I’ll do once I get rid of them is send a memo to Superman asking what the hell he’s doing helping out the freakin’ French in the first place.
26. I will change the official term “First Lady” to “My Baby’s Momma.”
27. At press conferences, I’ll be the one who gets to ask the questions.
28. I’ll legalize gambling in the District of Columbia.
29. I’ll change the Columbia so it will become the District of Poopfaces.
30. I’ll consider changing Washington D.C.’s name to Washing A.C./D.C.
31. I’ll replace “God Bless America” with “Low Spark of High Heeled Boys” by Traffic.
32. I’ll get to decide what to name hurricanes. Instead of sissy names like Katrina or Rita we’ll have names that will scare people away and save lives. Like Hurricane Gotti, Hurricane Bundy, or Hurricane Bea Arthur.
33. The White House will be painted a different color so as to be more racially friendly. Perhaps eggshell.
34. Women’s beach volleyball will be assigned it’s own major network. 24 hours of women playing volleyball on the beach!
35. I’ll make my sister the governor of Florida after I’m president.
36. All Washington D.C. sports teams will use my name as their moniker. The Washington Wizards will become the Washington Mikeys.

So remember, come election time, say “yes” to Mikey for President.

 

How I Changed the Lifepath of Bono and U2

So awhile back, I bumped into this guy named Paul Hewson. Oddly, though, he called himself Bono. (I asked him if he was a big Sunny and Cher fan. He said he preferred loveseats in his sunroom. [I'm not sure I even get that joke. Think on it a second.]) Anyway, he was telling me how he was a singer or something. He told me how being in a rock band was so cool because he got to drink a lot of Guinness and shag chicks all the time.

Me (left) chatting at Bono (right).

That’s when I told him, “Bono, no, you’re going about this all wrong. You have the power to help people. Get political. Take stances. Be obnoxious and talk about things that you really have no business being involved in. That’s what rock ‘n’ roll is all about!”

I wonder if he ever took my advice?

(I won’t even get into what I said to Mick Hucknall, lead singer of Simply Red. Notice him in the background of the photo above.)

 

Iggy Iggy Coco Pop: The Rant of a Drunken Music Lover

Here’s the thing I love about music: I didn’t know that Peter Frampton fronted the band Humble Pie. I also didn’t know that Iggy Pop fronted The Stooges. Hell, I didn’t even know that The Stooges were as awesome as they are until I downloaded their albums this afternoon after reading that they were one of Lester Bangs’ favorite bands.

That’s why music is music is music. Because there’s always something new to learn.

I could have told you that Buddy Holly died in that plane crash because he won a coin toss with Waylon Jennings for the final seat, but somehow I neglected to recognize the importance of every CBGB band that some people detest, others revere, and most have simply heard of (or never heard of). But much like the New York punk scene of the 1970’s, every city has its Blondies, its Ramones, its Talking Heads, or its Stooges, or even its MC5 in Detroit. But while some of us were listening to Donald Fagen and Steely Dan, others were listening to Rod Stewart and The Faces. While some were listening to the Eagles, others were listening to the Carpenters. While some of us were listening to Nirvana, others were listening to Paula Abdul. Is there a right? Is there a cool? Is there a wrong? Is there a lame? We’d all like to think so. But for each of us, it is what it is.

It is what it is.

It actually is a bit humbling, to be honest. Because I sometimes try to think of myself as a music snob. I collect music. I have over 12,000 songs in my iPod and I somehow feel that this makes me an authority on music. It doesn’t.

That pisses me off.

The fact is, I love music. I once bought a Jane Wiedlin album because it cost 99 cents and she appeared to be half naked on the cover. But I still listened to it. And one way or another, that’s a good thing. That’s all there is to it. My tastes in music don’t make my knowlege any greater than anyone else’s; but I will say that I’ve read an awful lot of music books. My open mindedness towards all sorts of music has led to this pak-rat frame of mind that I seem to have when it comes to albums. I was one of those guys that would buy the cut-out Jane Wiedlin album in the super-bargain bin at mall record stores when everyone else was buying RATT albums. I skipped the “hair metal” stage because I was listening to Elvis Costello.

I’m thankful for that. Because RATT sucks.

Elvis Costello was around before RATT even knew how to tune a guitar.

The thing is, RATT can’t be discounted as significant in the evolution of music. They were a part of the heavy metal scene in the 1980’s. That much is undeniable. Does their significance make them good? No! Are you fucking crazy? They were a band that knew how to put together a bunch of chords. Beyond that they could play the part. They had big hair, tight clothes, and they oozed sex. Guys wanted to be them because guys thought that every member of RATT went to bed with a different Playboy model every night. Who among you reading this can even name a single member of the band?

Let me help. Here’s a list of every musician who’s played with the band: Warren DeMartini, Bobby Blotzer, Stephen Pearcy, Robbie Crane, John Corabi, Juan Croucier, Robbin Crosby, Jizzy Pearl, Keri Kelli, Marq Torien, and Michael Schenker.

Maybe I’m an idiot (and more often than not, I am) but none of those guys are any more significant to me than my mechanic is.

They had one big hit: “Round and Round.” A decent song. But one that had more to do with timing than it did with quality. Don’t get me wrong, I love hearing that song after I’ve sucked down 15 keg beers out in the middle of a field out in the middle of nowhere. But is it really a “good” song? Sure. Fine. But should RATT have sold 10-fucking-million albums? No. No they should not.

I just don’t know how to express the importance of music these days to those who care about it. There are so many genres now that it’s hard to really accept a single sound as one’s personal favorite. I mean I love classic rock, but I also love the music produced by artists like Kanye West, Timbaland, Mos Def, and so on. I love the New Wave punk sound that was the Talking Heads and Blondie, but I also love the New Wave electronic sound that gave us Yaz, Depeche Mode, Erasure, and New Order. At the same time there are bands like Squeeze, the Smithereens, XTC, and They Might Be Giants who all fit significantly into the hierarchy of modern day music. But they’re also all but forgotten. You show me a 13-year-old kid who’s familiar with “Making Room For Nigel,” and I’ll show you a parent who I would be proud of.

The question is: how does one successfully reconcile all these various tastes without compromising one’s aesthetic stance on rock ‘n’ roll? Is it possible?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Music isn’t about what’s cool. In fact, it’s the opposite. Music is about what we feel when we hear it. If I hear an uber-twangy, rock-a-billy, drink-a-long acoustic anthem and I love it, I can’t apologize for that. For whatever reason, it moved me. But if you tell me that you love a laranx-laden, thrash metal, symphonic-wanna-be piece of trash, I can’t fault you for it either. I have to accept that you happen to be in-tune with that particular sound at that particular time. But don’t expect me to appreciate it for the same reasons you do when I can’t possibly relate.

At the same time, don’t you dare fault me for my tastes when you have no idea what my taste buds crave. If you’re eating a delicate chicken dinner, are you going to pour a thick, rich port wine down your throat at the same time? Perhaps, if that’s to your taste. But just because protocal dictates that red wine goes with red pasta sauce, doesn’t mean that a person who suffers from tannin alergies should subject themselves to the havoc that their body would have to endure upon consuming such a beverage when they decide to order a meal consisting of ravioli in a thick, red, meat sauce.

If you like disco with your burger, than order it.

Don’t judge others based on their knowlege of music, or lack thereof. But more importantly, don’t judge others based on their tastes. You don’t know what they had as an appetizer. And more often than not, they didn’t know that they could order off the menu.

 

Two Year Anniversary & A Poem to Boot

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to say that today marks the two year anniversary of my time here on WordPress. In that time I’ve written a lot of posts, deleted a lot of spam, read a lot of Chuck Norris facts, and even written and deleted a handful of posts having thought better of them.

To celebrate, for no particularly good reason, I’ve written a poem. I wonder who can identify the source of its inspiration. I actually hope to write a song with the same title. The lyrics would be quite different, however.

Sugar, Mr. Poone?
by Michael P. Fertig

She converted personal holdings,
Not corporate holdings,
Personal holdings.
Were there improprieties?
Aren’t there always?
Like a fist punching a picture frame
Hanging from the wall,
Shattered lives tend to result
From murderous plots,
Polygamous tendencies,
And drug pushing cops.
Where are the mattress police
When you really need them?
Where have you gone,
Sally Anne Cavanaugh?
Where have you gone?